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#22008 - 05/21/03 02:13 PM It isnt fair to my wife.........
James_dup1 Offline

Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming
to have to suffer because of what my step father has done to me as a child. But she is, we havent had sex in so long I cant even remember the last time. I cant be sexual with her without see,smelling, hearing him. How do I find a happy medium with this. I love my wife and find her very sexy, I just cant stop thinking about him when we have sex and that makes me sick to the point that most times I can even finish my part. This is wearing thin on her, she is a very physical person and I'm not. She loves to hold eachother and stuff like that but I dont. She had learned to accept this, but our sex life sucks to put it bluntly. I want to have sex with her I just cant stop my mind from going back to my teenage years. She is trying to be understanding but it's makeing her nuts just a bit. What do I do? How do I stop my mind from thinking about him? How can I be a good husbond to her and good to me at the same time, when doing both crashes into eachoher? How do I? Please brothers HELP I dont know what to do. I'm adrit in the ocean in a dingy and the waves are getting so big I cant see the top anymore.

I have more issues than Rolling Stone!

#22009 - 05/21/03 03:03 PM Re: It isnt fair to my wife.........
Sick Puppy Offline

Registered: 03/30/03
Posts: 300
Loc: Nowhere Land
This happens to me too, a lot. Most of the time I feel like I should break up with my partner because I am too much of a frustration and burden. \:\(

And one day we will die
And our ashes will fly
From the aeroplane over the sea
But for now we are young
Let us lay in the sun
And count every beautiful thing we can see

Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea

#22010 - 05/21/03 03:35 PM Re: It isnt fair to my wife.........
outis Offline

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2261
Loc: Maryland USA
I know the feeling. I know this isn't fair to my wife. She told me that she felt I entered our relationship deceitfully, with a "lie of omission." I'm not exactly proud that she feels that way.

At least before I disclosed my history to her and began working on it, I was sometimes, um, "marginally functional." I would be zoned out mentally, but I still continued on auto-pilot. Now I can't even do that much.

I'm getting dizzy and light headed just writing this. This is one of those times I want that damn magic pill!


"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

#22011 - 05/21/03 03:36 PM Re: It isnt fair to my wife.........
confused_n_alone Offline

Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 31
Loc: Ottawa Ontario Canada
Hello James...

I don't know what to tell you..
My wife and i are at odds as well she too is very physical and is having a hard time understanding how i feel how i can be so close and then so far away... i am not at the point where i can't be physical with my wife but when i am a few days later i run and hide!!!!

Is to get away from her or is it cause i am afraid of letting any one get that close to hurt me again..

James i feel for You and her in this struggle and if i can use some words of wisdom from a fellow pack member

You gotta trust that your wife loves you and will not hurt you. Be to her as you are here to us. Open and honest with your feelings. Easy to say but difficult to do.
Confused N Alone


A Jouney starts with one step
A Trip starts With Friends

#22012 - 05/21/03 03:57 PM Re: It isnt fair to my wife.........
chuck Offline

Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 97
Loc: mid atlantic
I was talking to my therapist about a similar situation with my wife. Sometimes when we have sex I get to point that I am crying and I try to explain to her what is happening to me. My T wants the two of us to meet with him and try to assist us. He says it is not sex therapy that he wants to work on but more on romance therapy. I am hoping this will help us, becuase I don't like crying through sex. I want to have sex but I get flashbacks of my father which destroys a lot of the good feelings and I realize it hurts me and my wife. I guess what I want to say is talk with your T and maybe the two of you can set up a time when your wife can be there to discuss these feelings.



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