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#218173 - 04/15/08 03:05 AM Re: My Life Sucks [Re: blueshift]

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 983



"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

#218216 - 04/15/08 05:47 AM Re: My Life Sucks [Re: OKIE MIKE]
blueshift Offline

Registered: 01/21/08
Posts: 1242
Loc: infinity
Mine too OKIE. That's only half the picture though, no matter how much it seems like the whole one. BTW, that cryptic avatar arouses my curiosity. Care to explain it? Just curious.

My Story
My Art

#218218 - 04/15/08 06:11 AM Re: My Life Sucks [Re: blueshift]
Barney Offline

Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon
Hey Friend,

Wish I could be closer for you. Sorry for all this shit your going through. I can relate with your analagy of thinking you were getting the pieces of your life put together and along comes some one or something and blasts them apart. Happened to me alot tho each time, the new picture was better.

Could be that your time with the woman was up and that God has someone better in mind. One never knows. You certainly have every right to feel what you do but go easy on yourself.

In the early stages of my therapy, I felt like I was running down a narrow corridor as fast as I could. The corridor was dark, cold and scary. Every once in a while someone would open a steel door and I wouldn't see it until I hit it full force.

I would find myself lying on the floor, bloody and in pain, only to have to get up and do it all over again. It was hard to keep getting up. But my friend, it is worth it. So are you. Don't let the past keep you bound.

One other thought, I have been studying alot about the Law of Attraction. One of the key concepts is you attract to you what your thinking and feeling about. The thought is to not think about what you don't want. Cause if you do, you attract that to you.

If you want something different, then you need to think about and feel what you would like to have in your life. Staying focused on what you want vs what you don't want gives God and the Universe the opening to send some new, good things your way.

Hang in there and I would give you a big hug if I could.


#219080 - 04/19/08 04:00 PM Re: My Life Sucks [Re: KENKEN]
Lou Offline

Registered: 11/11/07
Posts: 100

I have removed your post from this thread because, as you know, this forum is for posts by male survivors only. Thanks for respecting this boundary, which is an important one on this site.

Larry, aka roadrunner
For the ModTeam

Edited by ModTeam (04/19/08 04:43 PM)

#219326 - 04/20/08 08:20 PM Re: My Life Sucks [Re: Lou]
Roofus Offline

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 233
Loc: Utah
Dear Ken,

One of the best things about this site Ken is the fact that you have so many to lean on, and so many of us have shared similar experiences. Im pleased to see that so many are reaching out to you Ken.

Im certain you remember the many experiences from the WoR a few weeks back. Perhaps some of the skills we learned there will come in handy during these rough times.

I've been sitting here 20 minutes trying to put my thoughts together, and tell you what I want to say... my heart truly goes out to you while you are in a scary place. Any way... here goes my attempt to help you out a little.

I have two families. My biological family, and my in-laws. Yes... I was married once (and yes... I am gay). I got married in 1996 to a beautiful woman with long beautiful auburn hair. She was extremely talented, and had played professional fiddle with many of the country music icons we knew then and still today. She was the oldest of 3 children. Her parents were/are wonderful kind-hearted people, and I fell in love with her family deeply, and grew much closer to them than my own family.

In 1998, I realized that getting married was the wrong thing for me to do. I am a gay man, and although I truly loved this woman and her family I knew in my heart I had made a mistake. I had come to the decision to tell her, and ask for a divorce before we complicated things even more with children. I cried all the way home knowing what I was going to tell her. She wasn't there when I got home... I waited, and waited... then I got the phone call. She had been hit by a drunk driver and had been life-flighted to a near by hospital. When I got there, the severity was obvious, but I was also informed she was 4months pregnant, and had lost the baby. 24 hours later she died.

Although I was personally a mess, I remember the strength her parents attempted to display. Outwardly, they seemed strong. But the night after her death I remember going with them to their home, they quietly slipped into their bedroom, and the utter sadness that echoed from them that night was not only heard, but felt.

Two years after the death of my wife, their only son committed suicide on the anniversary of her death. Since she had died he fell into a deep depression and got deeply into drugs, he just couldn't handle it any longer. They were now left with one daughter.

Their one daughter eventually married, and had two little boys. About 2 months ago, she suffered an extremely unexpected event, became anoxic, and suffered extreme brain damage. After 7 days in the hospital, she died leaving her husband with her 3 & 5 year old sons.

I share this story with you, not to try and illustrate how bad some people have it (My in-laws certainly have had their fair share of sadness and heartache), but I share this with you because I have come to compare life to our earth, specifically the 4 seasons; winter, spring, summer and fall. It seems that some people cycle through the seasons without suffering many scratches... or perhaps they go through a mild winter without being too cold, or loosing a limb from frost bite. Some seem to really luck out and live their lives in a permanent spring time, where everything is beautiful, alive, and growing. Some go from one season to another, without truly experiencing the season. Others... perhaps like you, and perhaps like my in-laws experience the seasons with harshness, and perhaps the winter is long and dark, the summers scorching hot, and spring and fall seem to short, and perhaps don't exist.

I have watched my in-laws over the years. What I have seen from them is that they seem to go through long dark winters... they've had more than their fair share. Sometimes they seem to miss the spring all together. But when all is said and done, they eventually see the leaves budding on the trees, the crocus flowering through the snow. And after each long winter, I see them bloom eventually and each time they are more beautiful than the last spring.

I don't know... perhaps none of what I said makes any sense. That's not uncommon LOL. But it's my belief, Ken, that 'when' you get through this you are going to be a much more beautiful spring flower than ever before. I'm going to call you a Wisteria, if they are left un touched and live an easy life... they seldom bloom. The wisteria that are beaten up, cut back, and some-what mis-handled bloom more and more vibrant. That's what you will be! You'll be more vibrant.

Good luck to you. Peace

Edited by Roofus (04/20/08 08:41 PM)

#219417 - 04/21/08 04:43 AM Re: My Life Sucks [Re: Roofus]

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 983
Blue Shift . Look at the Beatle's album "Abby Road"



"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

#219425 - 04/21/08 07:32 AM Re: My Life Sucks [Re: OKIE MIKE]
Magoo Offline

Registered: 04/04/08
Posts: 48
Loc: far, far away
Your post is a splash of cold water on my face right now...Wow!

I pray for your ex in laws and wife.
I'm so sorry there's so much pain and loss in this world.
I thought about what I'm going thru now is some of the hardest times of my life....and I'm 49 years old!
Briefly, my fiance dumped me and threw me out. I moved in with my 25 yr old son who got drunk a few times and almost clocked me!. I moved out of state for a job and in with my older daughter temporarily and she's burnt out and stressed and wants me out ASAP! AND I JUST BROKE MY SILENCE ABOUT CSA!
But it's not as bad as your ex's lives.
I feel sorry for them.
My life is spring time compared.
Thanks for sharing,

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