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#219179 - 04/20/08 01:26 AM Re: lol, gonna get shot here [Re: sweet-n-sour]
Liv2124 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/06
Posts: 159
Loc: New Jersey
We kinda, sorta, grew up together. One of the things I love best about him is the "child" side. He makes me feel 16 again, and he's the only one that can do it. (16 having been 27 years ago!) I can't say I've ever felt like his mother. (Especially, KNOWING her)
I was actually the one who got him into the hugging thing. One of my best memories is the time he said, "It feels good to hug." And occasionally he'll ask, and sometimes I will. It's an open thing. It's never "expected" between us.


#219423 - 04/21/08 05:49 AM Re: lol, gonna get shot here [Re: Liv2124]
Bulala Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/09/08
Posts: 17
Wow...great question...and honest!

This is something that FH and I kind of giggle about regularly. He throws kind of childlike temper tantrum (being minimize those 'scary' emotions like vulnerability!)...seriously...he will kind of stomp his feet and purse his lips and go "Mmmph!" -hilarious...
This is a non-intimate instance of him going to some sort of childlike assimilation place to make sense of an I said...most often when he has been 'called out' on a vulnerability!

On the intimate side...there are many times where I have felt more like a 'mother' than a 'lover'...
...not that this 'motherly' intimacy always leads to sex...but sometimes he just needs the breast!! laughing to myself on the Freudian Oedipus Complex that this sounds like, but...I don't think he was breastfed enough/at all! (his mom is a certified loony tunes character!)
If he has had an especially rough day OUTSIDE the home...its sometimes what he uses as a comforting technique to just know that I'm here and he can be vulnerable with me, I'm not going to hurt him. And we have discussed its 'appropriateness' with our counselor and both feel that since it turns me on and most of the time it leads to further intimate affection or some good cuddling...then we're good!
Quite the opposite on the ACTUAL intercourse part...with the knowledge of the CSA its easy to see that I'm with a child who was only shown how to use his parts by a man perp (nothing against MEN in general but just that there is a bit of selfishness that stems from the disconnectedness)

Really I think that the childlike 'attitude/act' (very diff from behavior itself!) during intimate interactions is probably not too unhealthy....factoring in the CSA and healing. Not that this would always be a thing that is or should be going on...but in someone who was not shown this nurturing warmth or loving embrace (a mothers love...if you will) I think that it is entirely appropriate for them to 'use' their wifes physicality to express a psychological need and state of growth.

I've seen 7 year old boy who, when faced with PTSD from non-abuse related issues be comforted only ...*achem*...with a nipple!

So maybe Freud has some sanity hidden under all that cocaine abuse...and sometimes men do have to move backwards in order to go forward...and just maybe parts of the male psyche need to move all the way back to being provided food and protected by someone else, since that is SO tied to the pressure of being 'a man' and providing and protecting others.

thinking out loud there...

"There's life outside of your madness, and there's a face behind every scar...but theres a LOVE overflowing with gladness. Get out of that place that's restraining your love."

#219597 - 04/22/08 03:14 AM Re: lol, gonna get shot here [Re: sweet-n-sour]
rchsweetie Offline
New Here

Registered: 04/06/08
Posts: 23
I read somewhere that CSA victims stop developing sexually at the age that they were abused - and if I remember correctly, that statement was meant "mentally" rather than "physically". So yes, sometimes I've felt like I was in a 13-year-old relationship, rather than an adult one. And similarly, thats more mentally than physically - our fights, our break-ups, the sense of responsibility (or lack-there-of) to each other, has often felt like I was in a junior high relationship.

#219607 - 04/22/08 06:02 AM Re: lol, gonna get shot here [Re: rchsweetie]
childsplay4 Offline

Registered: 11/04/06
Posts: 42
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: rchsweetie
our fights, our break-ups, the sense of responsibility (or lack-there-of) to each other, has often felt like I was in a junior high relationship.

Wow! Thanks. I have read a lot here in the last coupla years, but that really hits home.
You hit the nail on the head!

Edited by childsplay4 (05/03/08 03:36 PM)

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