You have brought out the MOST defining characteristic of my personality. The ability to hide fear thru comedy. When I walked out on stage.....nothing scared me. After the show, many younger woman thought it fashionable to be my friend, and getting them into bed was easy. I was the STAR......some of those relationships last for weeks, but I broke them all off because of this fear of intimacy. I became terrified of just being in their company. So....I left them, and went on to find another/more. This behavior is what I do not understand, and want to change. I will do almost anything to achieve this.
I stay silent because of emarrassment and shame. Easier NOT to talk about it. I DONT KNOW HOW NOT TO DO THIS.