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#217382 - 04/11/08 09:01 PM My tears can flow
mogigo Offline

Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
I was isolated and alone when I started this thing called recovery. No tear's, no friend's, no feelings. I feel like I have made great strides in my recovery, that I have "Healed", not that I have reached my destination but I have healed. I threw my name and my story out there, I used my real name from my first post, I told my story to whoever might actually give a shit, I made a public appereance and said to the naysayer's " what, you got a fucking problem, just try me, go ahead and try to knock me back down" I've been at the bottom, hard to take on a guy who doesn't care anymore, hard to scare a guy who thinks death would be a pleasure, a release. What could they possibly say or do.

I built my support system, I met people that know all about what I've been through, I'm not going to hide anymore, what are you going to do, make me feel any lower. Guess there's a freedom at reaching the bottom. Free is what I reached. The thing was I met people that were there too.

Meet these people guys, do whatever it takes but meet those people, people who know you.

It's clear now, hiding is the problem, that's where the pain is coming from. Be you and freedom await's.

The tears flow now

Stay strong


#217384 - 04/11/08 09:05 PM Re: My tears can flow [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2653
Loc: Denver, CO
Congratulations, Mike. I hope to reach that point when my tears aren't automatically shut off by the protector who still thinks they are a sign of weakness. Someday - I will get there.

And it's guys like you that help light the path. Not because you've got it "all figured out" - just because you're a little further on the road.

And you're right - hiding is the problem. When we step out in the light - we not only can see others - they can see us.

Thanx for letting us see you, Mike. Thanx for letting me see you.


#217385 - 04/11/08 09:08 PM Re: My tears can flow [Re: mogigo]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
Mike I agree with you completely. You have summed up my healing and recovery too and very succintly I might add. I hope you count me as one of those people to meet. I have been encouraged by your posts and your courage more than once. Thank you for that encouraging word guy. We need all of those we can get.

Edited by Freedom49 (04/11/08 09:08 PM)

#217394 - 04/11/08 09:27 PM Re: My tears can flow *DELETED* [Re: Freedom49]
awakening Offline

Registered: 01/01/08
Posts: 342
Post deleted by awakening

#217400 - 04/11/08 09:47 PM Re: My tears can flow [Re: awakening]
dannym Offline

Registered: 03/25/07
Posts: 543
Loc: Boulder, Colorado
Beautifully put, my friend. Hiding IS the source of pain - the light is scary at first, it's new and bright, and you feel unprotected by old ways, old walls old armor, but it feels right once you get there.

I realize, from reading your post, that there are parts of me still hidden - and I have to find those first and help them leave the basement where they have been cowering in the corner, behind an old, musty couch.

Thank you, Michael - I'm applying my SPF 50 ASAP \:\)

Love you

"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."

Marge Simpson

#217524 - 04/12/08 10:36 AM Re: My tears can flow [Re: dannym]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

We so often freak out at the idea of crying. The old macho nonsense tells us that guys don't cry, and maybe we feel that crying means we will be out of control and exposing our vulnerability.

But hey, what happened to us definitely calls for tears. The little guy needs to be able to shed them. And we as adults need to be able to reclaim our right and freedom to be whole complete men again.

Isn't everyone vulnerable in some fundamental way? When we show our vulnerability, isn't that a way of asserting our humanity and our right to ask for the help we need?

Just some thoughts, Michael. Your post really moved me; thanks for sharing how you feel.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#217530 - 04/12/08 12:13 PM Re: My tears can flow [Re: roadrunner]
dancr6 Offline

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
I just posted on "off topic" but wish now, I would have read this first. Comforting toughts of nothing to hide.


I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

#217532 - 04/12/08 12:54 PM Re: My tears can flow [Re: mogigo]
GateKPR4 Offline

Registered: 10/29/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I am happy for you Mike that you now can cry and feel again. There is freedom in being ourselves esp. after being someone else for so long. It is truly a wonderful discovery that we still exists and are somehow intact way down at the bottom.
I can feel that moment again through reading your post. thank you for trusting this precious moment of your recovery with us, this is a great step forward.
Congratulations Mike!

I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
|| || || || || || |

#217677 - 04/13/08 01:57 AM Re: My tears can flow [Re: Freedom49]
mogigo Offline

Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
I hope you count me as one of those people to meet.

I did say Freedom await's didn't I?

Of course you're one of those people Roger

Love you

Edited by mogigo (04/13/08 01:57 AM)


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