What if I'm just nuts and I come here to MS for absolution - for comraderie.... and I'm just fucked up?
What if friends blow me off without a call or an email... just don't show.. not because they get caught up in life, but because I am that unimportant to them - I'm not worth the effort. I make a date/appt to meet or call and then they arent' there. I am confused. I am hurt. I am embarrassed. I would never do that to anyone without letting them know... even after the fact. But no, silence, like it never happened... like it was never planned... like I'm making it up... I don't get it.
I feel like a dog. I feel like I wait for my "family" to come home... I wait and I wait.... I get scared. I get lonely.... I get hurt... but then, when they come in the door, I'm all over them... vying for attention - "pet me" "give me attention" "love me"
I make myself sick.
What if i'm just not capable of accepting what is offered. I can have a lot of relationships, I think I can be a good friend/lover... but who wants to put up with someone so needy, so infantile... so disgusting.
What if I'm just cut out to be a good pet.
just needed to get that out.... having trouble not drinking today... but I'll make it.. just need to get this out of my head.
sorry to post such a crappy post.
Edited by dannym (04/12/08 01:29 PM)
"You should listen to your heart, and not the voices in your head."