I feeling a little wiped out at the moment, but I wanted to post at least something here. Since coming to this site, I have started to understand better the concept of triggers. Right now I just know I have them. For now, I am just wanting to understand the concept that they exist and to observe when it is happening to me.
I am trying to be non-judgmental and just see how my mind can go from being perfectly at ease, then watch how just a couple thoughts can throw me into an emotional loop (heck, for that matter a single thought). Not pretty stuff, I do agree.
But again, I am trying to just observe and not be too judgmental. And as I am getting a better understanding of how this mechanism works for me, I am making an effort to 'take a couple deep breaths' so to speak, and not make any judgment in haste that was driven by a trigger, or a temporary mental firestorm. Not easy, but I'd like to think I am learning.
How to heal from this? Maybe I never fully do. Truth is I think many people very easily can get set off in a bad way, CSA issues or not. I think it is a part of growing, a part of learning about oneself, and wanting to be a better person. I think there is an element of learned self-control. But truthfully, I don't know for sure.
I myself am just starting to grasp the idea of a trigger, and am realizing I get triggered all the time. I am just trying best I can to learn what these things are, and when they occur, to try and respond to them the best I can with positive coping mechanisms, whatever those may be.
I think in dealing with this stuff, it is good to really take the time to observe ones emotional being on many levels. What makes one happy, what brings about others moods. Just to really get to know oneself honestly as best possible. And to be willing to grow and change ones behaviors for the sake of getting to a better place. I don't have the answers as to how one gets there, but I think it is a worthwhile journey.