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#216658 - 04/09/08 01:13 AM self-hatred, beauty and loneliness
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2651
Loc: durham, north england
the wheels of the tumbril make a changeless grinding sound,
the cold bars of my prison cage with steel ring me round,
from without I see the thronging ever busy heedless crowd.

At the rains my shaddow sits,
With acrid hating epithets,
a poison that forever spits,

Into my cage.

We pass through wide paved plazas and groves of healthy trees,
We pass through crowded markits with exotic scented breeze,
We pass the marble buildings with their pretty artistries.

My shaddow gives a mocking smile,
torments me with cruel word and wile,
Shows me beauty and denile,

And fuels my rage.

I scan the see of faces looking for that special one,
she Who holds the gleaming keys and waits to take me home,
Away from my shaddows cruelty where I'll not feel so alone.

My shaddow breaths a harsh insult,
Reminds me that it's all my fault,
and rubs a pinch of scolding salt,

Into my pain.

The cart grinds slowly through the streets and ever grimly on,
Benieth the sky of deepest blue and brilliant golden sun,
through the lively coloured arteries of this alabasta town.

My shaddow cares not for the light,
for it can only feel spite,
And grimly it ignores the site,

flooding my cage.

I hear a floutists melody carried soft upon the air,
I see the warmth and happiness, which though I cannot share,
I can stil love for it's own sake as something free and rare.

My shaddow though can never love,
Nor can it ever feel warmth,
to torture me it's one relief,

From it's own lies.

And as we pass along the shore and the sun dips to the west,
and see and sky in firey gold make a glorious contest,
I know that of the two of us, I have got the best,

for my shaddow only wounds with words,
and though I can't deny it hurts,
I know my shaddow's never heard,

the golden music of life.

#217044 - 04/10/08 03:03 PM Re: self-hatred, beauty and loneliness [Re: dark empathy]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

And that "golden music of life" makes all the difference, doesn't it? Thanks for sharing this poem with us. It has given me a lot to think about.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#217193 - 04/11/08 02:49 AM Re: self-hatred, beauty and loneliness [Re: roadrunner]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2651
Loc: durham, north england
Thanks larry. Here I was trying to get at a thought I had, the other day feeling utterly miserable and very angry with myself while walking through the pretty streets of Durham on a sunny day, ----- that goodness and beauty can exist within the world for their own sake, whatever I am feeling, and even if I'm feeling closed off from them, that doesn't matter because their stil there, and I can stil see them.

That's also why I used immages of my trip to griece in this poem, which was one of the most beautiful places I've ever been.


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