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#21622 - 05/20/03 05:06 PM Fixing Up the Wreck
Wuamei Offline

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
OK men now I guess I'm going from "Cleaning Up After the Wreck" (re: thread thus titled) to
"Fixing Up the Wreck"...

No, not my car; that's a total loss & has already been replaced, over the weekend.

I'm talking about my body; which sometimes feels like a total loss...

...but I know it's not.

Besides I've gotta fix it up; this is one wreck that can't just be replaced...

...but hopefully it can be restored!

To this end I began physical therapy (PT) yesterday. The PT did stuff to check my range of motion (ROM), then had me do some exercises she wants me to do at home & come back Friday. She also said to start teaching water aerobics again and on days I don't do those to take a short slow walk or something else for exercise.

Frankly I would have expected more intensive, maybe water therapy or something. I don't know that I feel ready to do all that stuff yet. But I guess if I try it and can't I can tell her Friday & she'll make adjustments.

Perhaps I should have told her more but that's not easy to do. I did of course mention the accident. She asked me if I'd had any other traumas. I said "You mean like other accidents" and she replied "Yes." So I mentioned my last accident in '93 (tho I probably should have mentioned the ones before that too, tho I wasn't really physically hurt in those).

Maybe when she asked about trauma as opposed to accident I should have picked up on it and gone ahead & told her, at least in general terms, that I was abused as a child, at least about being severely shaken as an infant by my father, if not about the CSA. Especially since physically this hurt me in basically the same places as the accident did.

Maybe I should tell her Friday?

Fortunately my PT is about 20 miles away near where I teach water aerobics. So neither is a long trip.

I'm still nervous about driving tho I did go to PT on my own yesterday.

But for the time being, at least until I do the PT, which I know will be covered under MedPay for awhile, I'm going to stop my hour+ drives for T, chiro & massage.

However I will continue to to talk to my T regularly, by phone.

After all my body is not the only thing that got wrecked in the accident.

The accident brought out immediate & vivid memories of the shaking by my father which has resulted in SIS (Shaken Infant Syndrome), since the motion my body was jerked thru on impact was virtually the same as his shaking.

Along with this came previously buried memories of things he did to me sexually during these fits of shaking me.

So I have a lot more stuff to work thru.

Fixing up the wreck of my body & my spirit.

You know, I am so glad to have all the support I have here from you men!

So what the heck!

For anyone who wants to get into it here's a group hug!


"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

#21623 - 05/20/03 06:10 PM Re: Fixing Up the Wreck
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
OK men now I guess I'm going from "Cleaning Up After the Wreck" (re: thread thus titled) to
"Fixing Up the Wreck"...
See Victor. It is all about moving on. No matter what the obstacle or how hard it is we survivors just dont quit. We are like the batter bunny on tv. It does not matter how far back we are pushed we only know one direction and that is forward. That means NO SURRENDER.
And why the fxxk should we. We deserve every gd nice thing we can get under our belt and we have no compulsion about expressing it or feeling guilty about it.

We are what we want to be and nothing else.

If that means fixing our bodies, our minds and our souls.....well SO BE IT

If that means being at peace with ourselves ....well SO BE IT
If that means standing up for what we believe in .....well SO BE IT

Cause this is our gospel

" I am not interested in living in the past. I am only interested in the future for that is where I am going to spend the rest of my life."

Good for you Victor. Work your ass off and get it done. Because we wolves dont know any other way.





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