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#215605 - 04/05/08 07:03 PM Interesting
simonsurvives Offline

Registered: 03/17/08
Posts: 58
Loc: California, Fresno
I am sitting here discussing with myself about how I need to go about working hard and doing well because I deserve to do well. So in essence I am trying to show myself that studying for me is good and that I deserve to get good grades in my class. I think it is so weird that I have to convince myself to do something good for me and my self. I can't believe it has come to this. Me sitting at my computer talking to virtual people and contemplating how the hell did I get here. And why the hell my parents thought this was the best thing for me. Because you know that is what they used to always say this is what is best for me. I didn't no pain that has no de>

#215665 - 04/05/08 10:00 PM Re: Interesting [Re: simonsurvives]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
I think it is so weird that I have to convince myself to do something good for me and my self.

So many times in my life I have sabotged my own success because I could not convince myself that I deserved it. I entered/allowed relationships in my life that were terrible for me because I was convinced tha tit was all I deserved. This goes back to the lies I was told overtly or covertly by my abuser that I deserved this and you can see that thought liberally distributed throughout the posts here from victims at various stages of recovery. It is a lie that seems very hard to shake. Even for guys who have been in recovery for years.

Bottom line: you do deserve good grades, good jobs, good fortune in your life. You have survived much and worked hard to overcome much and that along gets you kudos from me. Hang in there. If you have to argue with yourself about what you deserve, just make sure the courageous survivor/thriver you wins.


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