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#215089 - 04/03/08 05:45 PM Sex:Positive or Negative
arronb Offline

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Perth
I have a real need for this subject matter to be discussed frankly and openly.
I can’t be the only one who has negative feelings towards sex who needs to learn, see that sex can be a positive experience.

My own response to sex is skewered by and intertwined with my abusers views on sex.
I want to enjoy sex, but after a certain point I am left feeling ‘dirty & disgusting’ by what is going on.
Rather than disappoint my partner, I feel I have to continue & so I just ‘go thru the motions’,
which in turn just re-enforces the negative feelings I have of myself and of sex.

What side of the coin do you fall ~ negative or positive ?

How does one get from where I am now to a point where there is actually some pleasure in experiencing sex ?

Keep Smilin'

#215226 - 04/04/08 04:09 AM Re: Sex:Positive or Negative [Re: arronb]
ineffable Offline

Registered: 02/07/08
Posts: 1371
Loc: state of holeecrapdood
Hi arron

A quick scan of the titles of threads in this forum suggests to me that it is negativity that prevails
just an observation & by no means a judgement
aint surprising really is it?

I feel a lot of shame & confusion
Even moreso after my recent experience in Chat
Once I was banned I went right to feeling like a perpetrator
with all that entails at this site

It was only by another member with a lot more experience in sexual addiction recovery PMing me was I able to even
entertain the notion that I had been "hunted" & may have actually been the victim
Needless to say that rocked my world & opened the floodgates
So for the time being I am on the negative side of the coin

Thanks for stepping up

Starting to learn, heal & recover my sense of positve sex

:: "Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us see a thread which is not there" ::

#215233 - 04/04/08 04:35 AM Re: Sex:Positive or Negative [Re: ineffable]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
HI Arron,
I am glad you brought this up. I have discvered that I held the same feelings with my partners and with my wife. I talked to my T and found that all I needed to do was to resexualize myself. In order to do that I had to approach sex differently than I had been doing. I fell into the old habit pattern with my wife of only haveing sex after I had been in bed amd in the dark for a while. Exactly the way my dad got to me. We worked out a different scenerio and it is great. I no longer feel dirty or sameful. It was just a matter of associating the sex with a different set of circumstances. Talking about it with her. And talking about it after. These are things I never did with my dad and in my brain it caused it to fall into a different experience with different feelings altogether.
When we are sexualized at a young age it forms a pattern in the pleasure center of our brain. A trigger and response synapse that says this experience and feeling goes with this memory. I have learned you cannot erase that but you can establish new connections and when reinforced they will dominate and supercede the old tracks with the new ones when triggered. It was work but I found it pleasant work.
Our young impressionable minds were imprinted. Can't help that but you can short circuit with practice and re imprint new impresiona that are more to your liking. I know it sounds weird but it really works. Apparently very little is written in stone if you want to do the work. This is all basic brain biochemistry and has been documented by Dr. Alan Meyer.


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