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#215075 - 04/03/08 05:03 PM Extreme loneliness after WOR
jacob77 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 02/19/05
Posts: 37
Loc: Northern CA
Even though I was thoroughly exhilarated to be at WOR and sad to come back home,I went thru a deep,extreme loneliness and came very short to acting out. I told myself,"forget it,it's not worth the shame",so I walked back home.
This loneliness is something I wonder if I'll ever conquer or overcome.


I am good enough.

#215077 - 04/03/08 05:08 PM Re: Extreme loneliness after WOR [Re: jacob77]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 01/28/08
Posts: 2615
Loc: Central PA
You connected on a very deep level during those few days. Probably on a level you might have never experienced before. Then you were away and those you felt close to weren't there. That emptiness and loneliness returned. It can be overcome. You need to find someone you can talk to openly. Even online. I didn't think the online thing could be as fulfilling or as close as face to face, but the past few days is really teaching me differently. It's about opening your heart. That's hard. Trust is tough. Maybe someone you really connected with at the WoR and yourself could keep in touch here. Talk and what not. It's really helping me just to have someone to really be open to and connect with, even without the face to face. It feels really good.

You can find it. Gotta take that first step and be open first though. Which can be really tough for sure.

#215080 - 04/03/08 05:21 PM Re: Extreme loneliness after WOR [Re: JustScott]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
It's very common for people who have gone through intense experiences to feel a letdown when they return home. Especially common when they try to explain to friends/loved ones what they went through and the words don't match the experience. Very tough if you don't have anyone to try to explain it to.

I don't know if they warned the WoR participants to watch out for the letdown but rest assured, it is very common.

Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse

#215081 - 04/03/08 05:22 PM Re: Extreme loneliness after WOR [Re: JustScott]
frost Offline

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?

This is not an uncommon post-WoR symptom.

Glad you made the right decision and walked back home... Have you been e-mailed the phone list of WoR participants? Put it into action and beef up your long distance plan. Isolation sucks but you can conquer it.

Just know always that you are heard and not alone though it may feel that way. I would suspect a large percentile of WoR participants have this same struggle upon returning home and trying to adjust back to their routines.

Something I noticed when I came home from my WoR was that my previous 'comfort zone' wasn't so comfortable any more.

All the best,


#215087 - 04/03/08 05:42 PM Re: Extreme loneliness after WOR [Re: frost]
Dale English Offline
Newsletter Founder/Producer
Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 448
Loc: PA
Hey Jacob,

Brian's suggestion is right on the mark. Take your roster and reach out to some of your small group members. And if you think that you'll be bothering them just think back to the weekend and ask yourself, "If I had needed someone during the night would anyone have been pissed at me for waking them up because I felt scared or lonely?" You know the answer to that one just as I do.

So take your list and begin creating new moments for yourself. It's just what you need and the guy you call will feel incredibly special!

A big safe hug to you.

Taz (Dale)

#215092 - 04/03/08 05:47 PM Re: Extreme loneliness after WOR [Re: jacob77]
Roofus Offline

Registered: 01/24/08
Posts: 233
Loc: Utah

hang in there. You are not alone. I've been going through something similar. I find myself staring off into no where, drifting back into WoR.

Do you need me to call you?

Edited by Roofus (04/03/08 05:48 PM)

#215107 - 04/03/08 06:35 PM Re: Extreme loneliness after WOR [Re: Roofus]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1677
Loc: Moscow, Russia

I don't know what the WoR experience is, but I agree with Ken on what an extreme feelings can cause afterwards. I experienced the loneliness and alienation from the people I related to well before therapy.

Take care and remember that there are people who understand you.


When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

#215136 - 04/03/08 08:28 PM Re: Extreme loneliness after WOR [Re: jacob77]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills

What you've experienced is not uncommon. I was counselled to make an appointment with my T for very soon after I returned from the WoRs that I have attended in the past. It helps. The feelings that come out, the acceptance of all the men who are there, the knowledge, merely by their presence, that we are not alone can be overwhelming when we return to our so-called 'normal' lives. It's a big let-down. Everyone surrounding us doesn't 'speak the language' when we come back home. I had to adjust to a new reality each time I returned because each time I learned something new about myself. The WoRs have helped be immeasurably.

Take good care of yourself,


I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

#215138 - 04/03/08 08:44 PM Re: Extreme loneliness after WOR [Re: Stephen_5]
Barney Offline

Registered: 07/31/06
Posts: 236
Loc: Southern Utah/Northern Arizon

I too was at the WoR and loved the whole experience. Let me be there for you if I can. We can't let the after affects bum us out especially all by ourselves. Let me know


#215191 - 04/04/08 01:22 AM Re: Extreme loneliness after WOR [Re: jacob77]
JorgeR Offline
Past President
Registered: 08/16/07
Posts: 60
Loc: Santa Cruz, CA, USA

Remember that the facilitators urged us all to take advantage of the list Howard sent out that has everyone's contact info and stay in touch with your buddy Frost lives in the middle of freakin nowhere, but uses the board and direct communication with some of his brothers from his WoR to keep in touch.

I have two guys from my small group in Alta that I stay in touch with regularly, plus a guy I met at the conference in NY and one guy from my men's group...even when I don't see them for a while, we text, email, or talk on the phone.

We are not use to reaching out, but the guys in your small group will be glad to hear from you...or any brother from your WoR will for that matter.

Peace & Joy,

I found my little boy at Alta 2007...I spoke the unspeakable shame at Sequoia 2008...I learned to flounder at Alta 2009

What breakthrough can YOU have at a Weekend of Recovery?

** talk to me about WoRs or BoD or Committees **

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