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#212181 - 03/22/08 12:59 AM The bitter pendulum
markgreyblue Offline

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
That bitter pendulum
at once up and all is alright
and up grows exceedingly better and optomistic even
and then suddenly down - the floor dissapears
with a spinelessness and need
that shames me
but true to form -
then seen for what it is
the pendulum
as it is
the pendulum is a bitter sweet pendulum
for once down -
it'll swing upwards again
it's pain will yield pleasure
without one there is no other.
i wish the extremes were not so great
but without the impendiment (?)
how else would i come to appreciate others
my self and my faith and hope
in what's to come.

" not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous

#212197 - 03/22/08 01:53 AM Re: The bitter pendulum [Re: markgreyblue]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
That aptly describes this weeks recovery experience. When does that pendulum stop swinging so wildly???

#214787 - 04/02/08 09:22 AM Re: The bitter pendulum [Re: Freedom49]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Mark, Roger,

All I can say from my own experience is that the effort is worth it. Things can still feel like they're unraveling all around us when we thought we had it all figured out and put back on the shelf. But I am finding that the good spells are a lot longer and that the bad ones don't cause me to melt down like I did years ago.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#478131 - 03/01/15 03:50 AM Re: The bitter pendulum [Re: markgreyblue]
victor-victim Offline

Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6379
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
we are all swingers.

and however tenaciously we cling to whatever tenuous connection we have to the unknown fulcrum, the friction and tension will increase in proportion to the amplitude and frequency of the arc of the pendulum, the suspended object's mass, and the fulcrum's distance. as force increases, so does resistance.
too much and SNAP! something has to give.

i used to love my highs and lows, but through the years, through the natural processes of erosion, evolution, adaptation, experience and external pressure...
i believe that i have become emotionally compressed. the cliffs and walls have vanished, the peaks and valleys have levelled out. all i see is rolling hills.

prior to parenting, i will admit that i was able to adjust, channel, consequently indulge and accommodate my extreme mood swings into an "eccentric punk rock artist" image and did not pay any heed to social consequences. i could package any feeling into a product, no matter how ugly. the market exists, and there was always a demand for my endless supply, no matter how small.

this arrangement was convenient for decades, until i became convinced to reassess the values i was promoting and portraying for the sake of my own children. the led to some welcome changes; changes i did not even know i was ready for.

my pendulum still swings.
but my point is fixed, more solid than ever, and i no longer fear letting go or losing momentum.


#478165 - 03/01/15 11:24 PM Re: The bitter pendulum [Re: markgreyblue]
Shyshark Offline

Registered: 10/30/12
Posts: 936
Loc: Canada
I know all too well what you are all talking about.
I swing on the pendulum too ... but I also ride the Roller Coaster of Bipolar Disorder.
It's a hard way to live ... but then again ... what does it matter ... it is what it is ...
all we can do is swing and ride and do what we can to smooth out the bumps.
Experience is a brutal teacher.


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