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#213047 - 03/25/08 10:34 PM What's the expectation?
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 440
Loc: Colorado
Do I go through life tortured and patted on the back because I somehow learn to smile through it? Am I supposed to shut up and continue to get hurt and act like it's not happening? Thinking positive doesn't fail and is a cure all? Realistic thinking has no place in healing? What about when I can't walk because of things that are done to me by "them" who come for me?

Sarcastically: I've looked everywhere and I can't find my default switch that makes all those things happen, maybe it's hidden next to the one that would make me sleep normal.

I don't believe that's how it's supposed to be because I can't maintain any of that with what I have to go through. It's expected of me though, especially to relate and not go beyond what is known by others. How do I fit in here? I don't know but i keep trying to figure it out just like everything else.

Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number

#213054 - 03/25/08 11:09 PM Re: What's the expectation? [Re: usmc97]
tartugas Offline

Registered: 02/12/07
Posts: 513
Loc: NYC
Hmmm.... When you ask how do you fit in here, where do you mean? This board? Your city? You job? The world?

If smiling through it causes you torture then it's the wrong strategy. A Marine can be asked to sacrifice a hell of a lot for their duty, but no human being should ever be asked to sacrifice their happiness for anyone else. EVER. That's rule number one in my book.

Everyone gets hurt through the course of life. Anyone who counsels a method of healing that asks you to ignore or deny the pain, or worse yet, "let it go" is not giving good advice. The purpose of healing isn't to become invincible or invulnerable, the goal is to get to a place where the injuroes of the past can be relegated to the past and you can move forward in life unburdened by that dead weight. Smiling through pain is a recipe for disaster. Learning methods for properly confronting difficult and dangerous situations, finding the courage to maintain our boundaries and protect ourselves, and building the strength we need to stand up for what we believe in is what healing is all about. Anyone who tells you to otherwise, who tells you to "get over it" isn't doing anything to help you and should be kept at a distance.

"I am not a mechanism, an assembly of various sections.
And it is not because the mechanism is working wrongly, that I am ill.
I am ill because of wounds to the soul, to the deep emotional self...."
Healing D.H. Lawrence

#213073 - 03/26/08 12:23 AM Re: What's the expectation? [Re: tartugas]
ericc Offline

Registered: 01/05/08
Posts: 1986

That was a great post. Not sure what else to say about it. Definitely something I think I needed to hear. I hope it was of some help to USMC as well.


#213075 - 03/26/08 12:27 AM Re: What's the expectation? [Re: ericc]
SuperTramp7981 Offline

Registered: 03/07/08
Posts: 99
Loc: Massachusetts
The expectation is to go through life doing the best you can with the hand your dealt and try your best not to hurt anyone along the way. But if you do accidentally, it's okay because we are all learning as we go along.

Emancipate yourselves from mental slavery;
None but ourselves can free our minds.
Have no fear for atomic energy,
'Cause none of them can stop the time.
How long shall they kill our prophets,
While we stand aside and look? Ooh!
Some say it's just a part of it:
We've got to fulfil de book.

Chat Name-Lparsons

#213080 - 03/26/08 12:49 AM Re: What's the expectation? [Re: usmc97]
jcf1957 Offline

Registered: 09/11/07
Posts: 192
Loc: North Of The 49th Parallel
Tartugas made some good points. I won't pretense to patronize you Sem, and it sure as hell is not easy living with a damned ugly past that haunts you or anybody else here with pain day to day. Perhaps we have to consider as to whether we will let our painful past rule our lives or do we as male rape victims take control and rule our pain. Taking the example of a rich man. Does he own his riches or does his riches own him. Much the same with those of us who were sexually assaulted...Do we possess the aftermath of the assault, or does the aftermath of the assault possess us. Again; I reiterate its not my intention to patronize but only offer an alternative as to looking at our own lives differently. If we always stay stuck in amongst the painful trees, we'll never climb that difficult plateau to see the splendor of the forest. I am in no way implying that this is an easy task. Indeed words are easier said than done. Many years ago I took a professional semi-tractor trailer course to drive big rigs. I always remember something my trainer said in my first class sitting.
"Gentlemen; whether or not you succeed in completing this course will depend on one of the most important factors that will define your personality the rest of your life". ("ATTITUDE") He was of course right. Attitude can be your best friend or your worst enemy.
It all comes down to how we ground our emotions in opposition to life's troubles. Not so easy to put into practice but there is a truth in this.

Edited by jcf1957 (03/26/08 12:54 AM)
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.

Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.

#213092 - 03/26/08 01:03 AM Re: What's the expectation? [Re: jcf1957]
usmc97 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/05
Posts: 440
Loc: Colorado
The abuse and torture is not just in the past in what I have to go through, it's not ignorable, I can't do my best with what I was dealt and move on because it don't go away. It happens over and over and over again and nothing relieves what is done to me.

Semper Fi

The statistics? 1 in 4, 1 in 6?
...then there's me the imaginary number


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