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#213003 - 03/25/08 06:42 PM Why do i feel like a child and an adult
anyway90 Offline

Registered: 05/26/07
Posts: 148
I don't really know if I should post here because I haven't posted for a while...but I decided to write something.

I feel like a child all the time;I feel like I need a hug from daddy and I feel like crying all the time. I feel so childlike. It might not be so strange because I'm still quite young but I feel very helpless.

I also feel like an adult;I don't mean this in an arrogant way,but I think the people around me are so shallow. I feel like I have already seen everything and nothing makes me excited.

I feel like a weirdo that is somehow stuck between these two stages. Sometimes I think I just can't help it even though I hate feeling so confused.

#213005 - 03/25/08 06:51 PM Re: Why do i feel like a child and an adult [Re: anyway90]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
Anyway90 that is not unusual for some one your age. This is a big transition time for you if I remember your age right. We all went through that CSA or not. I think it gets more intense because of the CSA. My dad abused me and God help me there were times and not to far back either that I really could have used a hug and an attaboy from him. It would have meant so much. Sick I know but I sometimes just needed someone older and wiser?? to say your doing ok. I am proud of you. Other times I wanted to be the man, the adult, comentent in need of nothing. John Wayne-ish.
I am embarassed to say this but even now there is a certain ambivalence to me on this issue. Maybe we don't grow out of it. Maybe I did't grow out of it LOL.

Then maybe you feel like a child sometimes because inside you, there IS a child and he his hurting and needs to be told he is ok and accepted and loved. Maybe that is why at 59 years old I am once again sleeping with a teddy bear. And sleeping well too.
Thanks for posting this.

#213012 - 03/25/08 07:11 PM Re: Why do i feel like a child and an adult [Re: Freedom49]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 01/28/08
Posts: 2615
Loc: Central PA
I'm 32 anyway90. I don't know how old you are, but like Roger, I've got a teddy bear too. I spend time feeling like a little kid. Like a little 7 year old boy all over again. I find myself wanting the blanket I had as a child, or wanting to crawl up into my daddy's lap, which is something I don't ever remember doing as a child. There are nights I have slept in a fetal position, hugging my bear. Some mornings I wake up and the bear is on the floor next to me, others I wake up and I'm still holding it close.

You're not a weirdo. Because of abuse, in some ways, you are stuck between stages. I've got that little 7 year old boy inside me that got stuck when the abuse began. Then I've got the adult me. Makes life hard, but as you heal, it can and will get better.

Keep posting and reaching out. You'll find that many here are feeling the same things you are.

#213156 - 03/26/08 10:47 AM Re: Why do i feel like a child and an adult [Re: JustScott]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2712
Loc: durham, north england
anyway90, this is something I very much feel myself. I'm 25, but so often I feel so much younger. I've I'm having a conversation with someone my own age, ----- or even younger, I feel like a twelve year old being indulged with a serous conversation by an adult. The other day a woman on the train instructed her young child to "let this man get passed first" and I felt incredibly shocked when i realized that "this man" was referring to me. I'll admit that part of this is to do with my relation to the fact that I am male, but the implication that I am an adult, responsible is also absolutely weerd.

I sometimes sit and feel absolutely amazed by the fact that I own my own flat an pay my own bills, ---- it just seems crazy to me!

The only defense I've got against this feeling is my usual method of saying I'm me, and my age, like my being male, or indeed my being five foot 9 and wearing glasses is only a contingent fact about my identity which has only as much significance or importance as I wish it to have.

I am not a child, not an adult, i'm just me, ----- as I am!

I even stil like most of the same things as I did when I was litle, I've even got several episodes of He man on dvd, not to mention films like willow, labyrinth and lots of others, but hay! why should that matter?


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