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#212574 - 03/23/08 11:58 PM Lost and searching
ak Offline

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I keep clicking away of this site, to other things on the computer, and then keep clicking back. Hoping that THE post will be here, the thing that will answer everything for me, that will fix everything. It isn't here. It is not anyone's fault. I do not know even if those majic words was here, if they would help, because I am so lost, I do not know I would recognize them.

I do not know what I look for. I am looking for something to make some sense to me right now, that this is just a 'bump in road' and it will again start to get better. I feel so very 'less then' right now. Less then everyone and everything. It is something that curse me sometime, and it is here again.

I want to know that some day I will know who I am, what I have to offer to the world, and that I will not feel so lonely and not belonging and confused and lost forever. I do, inside me, I do KNOW that, because I know it is better then before. But right now, it just feels, it just is crap I guess.

\:\( andrei

#212576 - 03/24/08 12:03 AM Re: Lost and searching [Re: ak]
MarkK Offline

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2653
Loc: Denver, CO

you're not alone. i have been "clicking back" to this website heavily the past couple of weeks. i too am looking for something - the "magic post" or what, i'm not sure. i just know i'm not finding it either.

the desire to not be alone, to actually belong and not not feel confused and lost - it's no a bad thing - and you aren't the only one with that hunger. i know - cuz i have it too.

i wish i had answers for you - anything to help you - but i'm afraid i only have me. and i'm just as lost. all i can say is that i agree - it hurts. i don't know how to get out of it - or if you can - i only know your not the only one there.

i dunno why i'm posting this - it sure isn't very positive and probably no help - but i just wanted you to know you're not the only person who feels that way.

i'm sorry i can't be more help.


#212646 - 03/24/08 04:29 AM Re: Lost and searching [Re: MarkK]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
Andrei and Mark sometimes there is no answer. You just have to hold on and go through it to the other side. Like a forest that has no path. But once you get to the other side and look back you see it was not that big a forest after all. Sometimes too it helps just to know your not alone in there lost and wantering around. That someone else is too. There are those who have made it though. They are all through this site. There are those just entering this black forest behind you. All I can say is hang on. Others made it thorugh. You can too.

#212665 - 03/24/08 11:10 AM Re: Lost and searching [Re: Freedom49]
Ivo Offline

Registered: 05/08/04
Posts: 267
Loc: Germany
keep searching.

Miracles do exist.


#212667 - 03/24/08 12:03 PM Re: Lost and searching [Re: Ivo]
MemoryVault Offline

Registered: 03/02/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Hey, Andrei -

*disclaimer* This will not be THE post. \:\)

No big answer here, but know that I and others are traveling the lonely road with you.

I woke up late last night--just thinking about the kind things people say about me and how I don't believe them, though I know they are all sincerely meant. I was thinking about the ways I project that I don't know what I'm doing, the ways I sell myself short.

Why does everyone get to enjoy the wonderful people we are except us? Why can't we see the beauty, talent, intelligence, courage and wisdom that other people know are in us?

Andrei, if I could lend you my reading eyes for a day, you'd see so much in yourself. The feeling of "less than" is very real, but it's not reality. We carry around a distorted mirror that filters out all the good stuff when we look into it. I don't know how to fix my mirror, but I do know that I need to trust other people when they keep on reflecting a good guy. I hope to see that guy myself someday.

You've been traveling for a long time--being on the road is bound to stir up feelings of not belonging--having no home base. We're with you there, though--borrow our mirrors for a while. \:\)


#212878 - 03/25/08 04:01 AM Re: Lost and searching [Re: MemoryVault]
ericc Offline

Registered: 01/05/08
Posts: 1986
I find myself coming home and sitting at the computer, after having sat in front of a computer all day at work. It is like I am addicted to it. I would rather be spending my time here than in other places on the internet that are of no use to me, but none the less I have a hard time shutting my computer off and doing something else.

I too am waiting to find the magic answer. But in all reality I am just wasting time and avoiding things and life. Not that MS isn't a big help; it is. But I really need to learn to turn of the computer more and do other things. I think I got addicted to this type of behavior long ago. I haven't really engaged in life the way I would like for a long time; in fact I don't know how to anymore (it is not that I don't get out, but that seems like just wasting time as well.) Part of this is driven by my feeling that I should have been somewhere else in my life, and since I am not then why try? I have yet to learn to let go, and let new experiences take the place of the past \:\(


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