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#212512 - 03/23/08 07:34 PM Re: New here... [Re: JGag78]
JGag78 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/17/06
Posts: 4
Loc: VA
Almost two years ago, I posted this and things have gotten a little better since then.

Everything in my life is working well, except for the relationship and love aspect. I still haven't made much progress there, but I am trying. I have opened up to others more and now have friends I hang out with on a regular basis. I even contacted a few old friends online and keep in touch with them regularly as well. I've recently started a new career and I have a clear plan of what do with my artwork on the side. Also, I'm sticking with a diet/exercise regiment to try to get back into shape (lost ten pounds in the first week so far).

I've also come out of the closet regarding my foot fetish. I never mentioned it the first time I posted because I felt weird about it. I started being more open about it and I actually got a few compliments from friends. Even better, this one girl I am currently talking to doesn't mind, and in fact seems interested. I still don't discuss my abuse outside of this forum though. I haven't worked up the courage to do that yet.

Do any of you guys think I should bring up the subject of abuse to friends and openly discuss it with them? Some of my friends aren't shy about discussing hardships in their life, so I think it might be a good idea to talk about it. I just wanted to get some feedback if you thought this was a good idea or how I should go about doing it.

#212522 - 03/23/08 08:06 PM Re: New here... [Re: JGag78]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
I am glad to hear your getting out more and making friends. That is a good sign. Isolation tends to make everything worse somehow. When a kid is abused sexually for any reason the chemicals released in the pleasure center can attach os to all kinds of fetishes. If it is harmless and enjoyable and doesn't cause you anxiety the I don't see any problem. Your girlfriend sounds pretty cool with it. As for being a virgin I congratualate you. Saving your self so that you can bond th your wife cleanly is a great gift to her and she will appreciate it.
As for disclosure, I wold say that is up to you. You choose who and when and why. It can bring friends closer that open up to each other the lives and the struggles thay endure and bring more understanding and respect. Don't do it just to be doing it but know why your telling and tell only what your confortable with. From you post I would say your doing ok guy and your healing journey is coming along fine. Glad your here. Thank you for usdates. And let us know how your doing from time to time.

#212559 - 03/23/08 10:49 PM Re: New here... [Re: Freedom49]
JGag78 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 03/17/06
Posts: 4
Loc: VA
I'm not 100% sure but I think I was attracted to feet long before my abuse. In any case, I was embarassed by it, but am now more comfortable with it.

The girl I'm talking to is just a friend for the time being, and I'm not actually saving myself for marriage. I've just been isolated from any sort of intimacy all my life. On top of that I'm shy and overweight (working on both).

I don't want to disclose what happened to me just for the sake of doing it. The only reason I bring it up is because a certain friend of mine trusted me enough to disclose information about her abusive ex-husband. I feel I can trust her enough to tell what I've gone through as well. She has also hinted that her husband had gone through a "rough childhood" that may have included some abuse as well. If so, he's someone else I could talk to about this. To sum it up, they are open-minded, understanding people so I think their insight would be helpful.

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