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#211288 - 03/17/08 09:15 PM why does good hurt?
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2687
Loc: durham, north england
This is going on from something my therapist said this afternoon. i know that some of the people on here have experienced the same thing, and perhaps they could help me with this one?

Everytime someone compliments me, or wishes to be friends with me, I in some way avoid it and become defensive, like a hedgehog curling into a ball. Either they are simply being nice (and some of my friends are absolutely wonderful), or I actively do myself down with a joke, ----- even start stuttering and becoming uncomfortable. My friend the counceler even said the other day she thought I was becoming defensive and pushing her away everytime she tried to say something nice about me.

I love helping other people, and will freely highlight positive things about them if I think it will help them, but I can't stand it when it's done to me.

My question is why?

Why does friendship, and love and thinking positively seem so much harder to bear than pain, rejection, cryticism, insults and cruelty?

why is it that I can play music full of dispare and fear and though it is hard, get through it by holding on to myself, and yet a few bright cause in a piece of music full of hope or love, ---- like the titanic or return of the jedi soundtracks, reduce me to inconsolable tears?

why do I find it so much more difficult to believe people might like me, or even love me than hate me?

I'd really appreciate some help here.

#211291 - 03/17/08 09:32 PM Re: why does good hurt? [Re: dark empathy]
johnnymike Offline

Registered: 03/08/08
Posts: 56
Loc: Central Ohio
Compliments and compliments in front of others are tough on me. I usually want to debate them. "If they only knew" goes thru my mind.

Friendship used to be tough on me. I would act out to test the friendship. Sadly few survived my unending tests. I had trouble trutsting so I would sabotage the relationship. This would then reinforce what I thought about myself. I am doing better because I listen to what they are saying and if they seem to enjoy me. Instead of listeneing to my inner voice.

I started a new job today and it went well. Last night I was convinced I would be fired midday because no one would like me. I proved myself wrong. Maybe we should treat ourselves like we treat our friends and not like abusers have treated us.


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