This was not your fault. I know it feels like it was; I often feel those twinges myself, but as I move forward they become less troublesome and less frequent. Ultimately I think we do come to see that as boys we were absolutely guiltless, and that as broken young men there was only so much we could do. A close friend of mine just the other day helped me a lot by observing that as boys and youths we "lived for the moment". That isn't our fault either. I'm glad you are talking about this, but I think that by doing so you are moving toward peace and recognition of your innocence, not more trauma and guilt. My thoughts are with you always.
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me. (Woody Guthrie)