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#210803 - 03/15/08 02:32 AM Re: The age we become 'stuck'? [Re: sabata]
G5 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 204
Loc: New Jersey
Totally agree. I've been waiting for the ten year old in me to be rescued. I do feel that some of my actions are of the child needing, wanting, and that the adult of me is trying to pull the ten year old along.....kicking and screaming at times. I don't believed I learned what I needed to in order to survive as an adult. My mind was always looking back to that time.

Could this being 'stuck' a part of the trauma? Like the stories of war veterans being 'stuck' in a battle/war where they lost a friend/comrads? Just a thought. I guess trauma would affect a child differently than an adult. Where an adult can adjust differently because of a greater rational?

Another thought is that carrying this child with us has been something that we needed to do in order to survive....and that it's difficult to let go of because it's worked, and that we've become so accustomed to having it in our lives.
This is the stage I'm at....trying to rationalize the idea of carrying my 'child' and coming to terms with letting him go.....because it's safe now for me......

Excellent topic Andrei and some excellent replies,

Chris





Edited by G5 (03/15/08 02:32 AM)
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#210822 - 03/15/08 09:50 AM Re: The age we become 'stuck'? [Re: G5]
GateKPR4 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/28/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I just created a thread in the Open forum about a site the explains the csa issue and the first part is on male csa. There are not many
papers written on this on the web but I did find the information quite helpful. I'm sad we all got stuck, my first abuse I was maybe 6 could have been younger but I really don't remember.
peace & love to you all, You deserve better! We will all have to work together to overcome our tragic pasts.

_________________________
I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
Ricky
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#486127 - 07/28/15 07:47 PM Re: The age we become 'stuck'? [Re: ak]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6290
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
sometimes i feel like a toddler,
sometimes i feel like a teenager.
stalled in arrested development.
i struggle to be a good parent.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#486128 - 07/28/15 07:56 PM Re: The age we become 'stuck'? [Re: ak]
woodenshoes Offline


Registered: 06/04/14
Posts: 386
Victor

I get it. Your right we have to be the best we can be.

Ws

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#486132 - 07/28/15 09:36 PM Re: The age we become 'stuck'? [Re: ak]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1566
Loc: California
Thank you for resurrecting this thread, Victor.

Read all of it.

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#486138 - 07/29/15 02:45 AM Re: The age we become 'stuck'? [Re: Magellan]
victor-victim Offline


Registered: 09/27/03
Posts: 6290
Loc: 𝒪 𝒦anada
you are welcome, Magellan. call it lucky research.

i love exploring the vast archives of emotion stowed and stored on this website. this is a priceless resource. many hours have i invested investigating the wealth of information contained within the pain and passion of these posts. i doubt that i will ever discover all the jewels and gems hidden herein. as of this exact moment there are 460,141 Posts, and that will be 460,142 as soon as i hit the submit. that is likely more than i will be able to read before i die. at any rate, it will take me so long to read the previous posts of the past, that there will be many thousands more. that also makes me sick and angry that there is so much abuse. survivor stories must be told. i gain much inspirational strength through the knowledge that i am not alone, although, as i mentioned, it reveals the obvious truth that there are many many millions of male survivors.

in closing, i consider the voices of past and previous members as relevant as any current member.

there is a transcendent timelessness to this internet forum that almost makes me feel that i am connected to all 12,772 members. all imagination, i suppose, but when i respond to old posts, it is subconscious and genuine valid response. even though, logically, the person i am talking is likely never going to read my reply. i barely look at the dates, and sometimes i am surprised to realize that i have bumped an old thread.

if my action results in new members revisiting their own recollections, all the better. those who came before us often leave crumbs of wisdom behind. they blaze a trail for us to follow. they can provide us with maps which indicate safe routes and hazards.
_________________________
Victor|Victim

War
Love
Poetry

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#486193 - 07/30/15 04:35 AM Re: The age we become 'stuck'? [Re: ak]
Mark954 Offline


Registered: 01/21/14
Posts: 45
this topic is so important !it defenitly hits home for me it's feels good knowing that i'm not alone in this , i dont remember exactly the age when the time had stoped for me , but i think it's when i was 2 or 3 , i read in book about the self healing child ,and it says that the best way to grow and heal from childhood trauma is to recall specific event when we were wounded and express in full whatever feeling and emotions that we weren't allowed to express in a safe place ,and that's how we get in touch with our orginal nature (before we were abused) .i thought it made perfect sense but abvioucly it's not easy for one to recall horrible experience that the mind had been puching it and blocking it from consciousnes often times for decades.
it's really difficult experience living as an adult stuck in childhood state when i was experiencing abuse , isnt it enough that i had experienced terror and fear and hurt as a child and now i have to still relive them as triggers (as a way to master them ? ) why do we have to be tortured by trauma materiel for years ?
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#486198 - 07/30/15 08:47 AM Re: The age we become 'stuck'? [Re: ak]
Strive 38/11 Offline


Registered: 07/24/15
Posts: 141
Loc: Australia

Such under discovered topic in traditional therapies. I think that trauma in its neuro chemical response does not recognise chronological age. The boy with in me shares everything outward. Now I am conscious to praise him and set tasks at the beginning of my day at he can wholly patricapte in. From this my power of change seems to have accelerated and broaden. I use a great app with goal setting to help. I think also most of the built triggers I carry are a construct of the boy and this mess of me, so overcoming the triggers has to be a joint effort. There will be a pill one day.
_________________________
Just because someone stumbles and loses their way,
does not mean they're lost forever.

Strive 38/11

Get out of my way I'm coming through on my own.
I'm coming through all alone - Tunnel - Screaming Jets

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#486368 - 08/01/15 05:42 PM Re: The age we become 'stuck'? [Re: ak]
Strive 38/11 Offline


Registered: 07/24/15
Posts: 141
Loc: Australia
Having to read somehing out to a person who has power over you that subconsciously replicates the power in the act abuse is going make you act your abuse age. It's so unfair mentally handicapped by your abuser.
_________________________
Just because someone stumbles and loses their way,
does not mean they're lost forever.

Strive 38/11

Get out of my way I'm coming through on my own.
I'm coming through all alone - Tunnel - Screaming Jets

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#486371 - 08/01/15 08:40 PM Re: The age we become 'stuck'? [Re: ak]
don64 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/13
Posts: 1104
Loc: St. Croix, USVI
For me, referring to myself as getting stuck at a certain age doesn't really capture how I feel about it. Because of the trauma of my abuse in infancy and early childhood, parts of me necessary to experience joy and mental health and physical health were severely damaged, mangled, disabled. I am now having to essentially hold that damaged portion of myself in safety, and learn to no longer allow that part of myself to act out while making new and healthy choices. This requires that I grow the vessel that is me sufficiently to hold my damaged self/selves in safety and allowing this part(s) of me to experience life anew. This seems to me to be the essence of the healing process and the process of turning damage into integrated, and therefore supportive life experience. Lemons into lemonade.

Don
_________________________
Divine Law is not judgment or denial of self truths. Divine Law is honoring harmony that comes from a peaceful mind, an open heart, a true tongue, a light step, a forgiving nature, and a love of all living creatures. Jamie Sams & David Carson, Medicine Cards

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