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#210606 - 03/14/08 06:57 AM Re: Insecure, but Good Actor [Re: Mark P]
quixote Offline
New Here

Registered: 03/14/08
Posts: 7
Loc: Texas
i almost cried. twice today. it's almost two a.m. and i can't cry because my dogs will hear me. just today i learned that i have a child inside and his greatest strength is his ability to NOT cry under any circumstances. you can hurt me, but you can't make me cry... that makes me the winner. i'm such an actor, i had myself fooled. two days ago i was telling a friendly family member, in the most casual way, about my childhood abuse and career as a pro. and that evening or the next morn i realized it hurts, it all hurts. today that child refused once again to allow me to cry and i became aware for the first time of his reality. Fourteen hours later, here i am seeking help, support, information..... compassion, relief. i haven't cryed in something between 15 and thirty years and i believe i am about to start.

#210608 - 03/14/08 07:51 AM Re: Insecure, but Good Actor [Re: quixote]
Scoutvictim Offline

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri

Welcome to MS, I am so glad you found this place, but sorry you need to be here.

I did the same thing for so many years. I could talk to a total stranger about my abuse, but I never really "talked" about it. Once I realized (a little over a year ago) that this crap has totally made me an actor, it came rushing out.

Go ahead and cry, it can be very "freeing" to let the little boy inside have a few moments. I have found that all the "parts we play" while acting, just puts another layer on top of the "inner child". Once we strip away those layers, we then have to face him and his fears.

It's not easy, and we all have developed copeing skills that will be hard to break. This is your first step on a long road, it will have it's hills and valleys, but the journy is well worth the reward.

Welcome again, and I hope you will stay around. The guys here can be so supportive, and I am sure you can offer some different ideas for others.

Just take your time, cry, share, yell, scream and HEAL! That is why we are here.

Your brother in healing,

Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

#210617 - 03/14/08 09:35 AM Re: Insecure, but Good Actor [Re: Scoutvictim]
GateKPR4 Offline

Registered: 10/29/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I too am a good actor
I was all of the same things you mentioned Ken.
You put it so well. Thats why I like this place you all can say what I am not able to say or bring into thought, I gain great insight into myself from your posts, and get to know a little bit more about you.

I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
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#210641 - 03/14/08 12:54 PM Re: Insecure, but Good Actor [Re: GateKPR4]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
Do what I did. Go buy your self a teddy bear. Walk through the stuffed animal section and see what attracts you. See what pulls at you and buy it. Take it home. Sit in a big comfy couch or chair and hold it. May take a day or two but once your child feels safe he will come. He will cry. You will connect again. You both will be the better for it.

#210655 - 03/14/08 02:15 PM Re: Insecure, but Good Actor [Re: Mark P]
Minute2Minute Offline

Registered: 01/12/08
Posts: 70
Loc: MB, Canada
Hi Ken,
I've been struggling with this thread since reading it yesterday. I was at a total loss for words because no more needed to be added to it. It's me. My struggle, now that I've seen such a perfect de>

#210666 - 03/14/08 02:43 PM Re: Insecure, but Good Actor [Re: Minute2Minute]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
Scott that is brilliant! We can change the words. Words are powerful. Words have been used against us to smother us and bury us in guilt and shame and fear. By changing the words we fight back!! Thank you Scott. For me and whoever else gets help and insight from this. Thank you for sharing. I know it is not miracle cure but what a great start. And it is like chicken soup for a cold. It can't hurt.

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