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#210499 - 03/13/08 05:40 PM Counselling... don't want to go?
cbfull Offline

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
Do you guys ever get a sort of feeling like you just want to call your T and cancel because you don't feel like you've made any progress to discuss?

I'm sitting here realizing that I'm still feeling the effects of a trigger from a week ago, and how much I hate it. It seems I try to convince myself that a trigger's effects have worn off, and I suppose a natural result of doing something like that could be internalizing the feelings. It makes sense, if the emotions are still stoked, and I'm telling myself that the effects of what started them are worn off, the result is going to be confusion and frustration. How else would I explain why I still feel terrible?

I suppose that's why I don't want to go in. I don't want to go with things that are difficult to talk about, which now seems selfish but at the same time understandable.


Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

#210504 - 03/13/08 06:12 PM Re: Counselling... don't want to go? [Re: cbfull]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills

When I feel like that, that I don't need to go because I haven't made any progress, I know that I'm just putting off something that I should be talking about. Sometimes when I force myself to go anyway and talk to my T about what is really bothering me and how I'm reacting to it, I make the greatest progress.

This crap does get easier but there are rough spots on the road to recovery. I know that I still have problems that I need to deal with. I put off seeing a new T since I've moved. I saw one a couple of times and we just didn't click. I'm going to go down the list and see if I can find another one that I can work with.

Take good care of yourself my friend,


I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

#210508 - 03/13/08 07:16 PM Re: Counselling... don't want to go? [Re: Stephen_5]
LandOfShadow Offline

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Alternatively, I think you must focus on how to be, to feel safe in the world, cbfull. Feeling triggered for a week is awful! Were you triggered in therapy? If I was your therapist, and this is standard procedure for treating complex PTSD not my idea, I'd first focus on how to calm yourself after a triggering event. That will give you a sense that you can approach the traumatic memories in a more manageable way. You sound like you're not quite sure what calm feels like. I didn't either for about a year in T. Once I had a few regular periods of feeling calm each week, I knew what feeling anxious was. It was all the rest of the time!

Actually, this is something your T should know about. Talk about it with your T. First build a sense of safety and trust, then FROM THAT BASE, work with traumatic memories. Is that what you're doing?

To quote an excellant book, Trauma & Recovery, Judith Herman:
Establishing safety
This stage is further subdivided into a series of tasks that must be accomplished in order for the client to feel safe in therapy. First, the therapist and client must name the problem. This involves not so much making a formal diagnosis as acknowledging the trauma and its past and present effects, both mental and physical. Next, one must restore a sense of control to the client. This begins with control of the body: controlling physical symptoms by balancing diet, exercise, and sleep and by getting the client appropriate medical care, including medication where it is indicated. Finally, control moves outward to establishing a safe environment: setting up support networks of caring people, helping the client to protect him/herself from any physical danger they may face (particularly from an abuser), and developing a plan for dealing with for future protection, one that takes into account any self-destructive behaviors the client engages in. This includes such things as setting up no-harm contracts (or procedures in case of harm), establishing sobriety, etc.

Herman cautions that there's not easy way to tell when this (or any) stage of recovery is complete. The first stage in particular is demanding; therapists and clients must be careful not to push on until safety is well established. Herman states that when the client has regained some trust in herself and her environment, when the therapeutic alliance is good, and when the most disturbing symptoms are controlled and the client knows which people can be relied on in times of crisis, it is reasonably safe to proceed.


Make any sense?

Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you

Paul Eluard

#210520 - 03/13/08 08:12 PM Re: Counselling... don't want to go? [Re: LandOfShadow]
KENKEN Offline

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
I hear you so well. Just a week ago I had the very same post here. Didn't want to go to therapy on Friday. I had no reason in my mind to drive the 84 miles round trip, spend endless amounts of money and time, what for?

But I did go and the session was one of my best. My T got out of me that I was not able to self-forgive myself. I needed to understand that I have to forgive myself for the problems/acting out I did. I was and am in control, my perp. brother is not in control.

I am now looking at myself differently. I am glad I went. I think you will be too.

DON'T CANCEL. It might end up being a good session.


Edited by KENKEN (03/13/08 08:12 PM)

From the Movie: Antwone Fisher


#245620 - 08/19/08 11:09 PM Re: Counselling... don't want to go? [Re: KENKEN]
Kamilin Offline

Registered: 08/18/08
Posts: 12
Loc: Colombia
i feel like that sometimes too and that`s why i quit all t guys.



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