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#210277 - 03/12/08 04:20 PM Insecure, but Good Actor
KENKEN Offline

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
I give an appearance of confidence in my family relationships,
But: I am insecure and hide those insecurities with my pride, anger and protectiveness.

I give an appearance of confidence with my friends,
But: I am insecure about my looks, possessions, life-style, and social abilities and hide those insecurities with lies, betrayals and secrecy.

I give an appearance of confidence in my workplace,
But: I am insecue about my capabilities, job security and social standing and hide those insecurities with over-commitment, self dependence and idolatrous addictions.

I give an appearance of confidence in my entire life,
But: I am insecure and inadequate.




From the Movie: Antwone Fisher


#210278 - 03/12/08 04:23 PM Re: Insecure, but Good Actor [Re: KENKEN]
Leosha Offline

Registered: 06/18/03
Posts: 3614
Loc: Right here
I'm a great actor, to any size audience. It is rather scary and it rather sucks. Because a piece of me inside is screaming "See me, hear me, know ME" and the rest is just being and doing what is expected of me.

My thoughts to you, I know how much a strain it can be, the multiple lives we live sometime.


Avatar photo in memory of my younger brother Makar.

"Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted."~~~Martin Luther King Jr., 1963

#210286 - 03/12/08 04:53 PM Re: Insecure, but Good Actor [Re: Leosha]
imbroken Offline

Registered: 02/20/08
Posts: 40
Loc: NJ

i feel same way, but I know I am not a great actor at all times. I have become a sniveling wreck of a person. At times, I may act as if I am not, but I have trouble acting for long periods of time.

#210295 - 03/12/08 05:54 PM Re: Insecure, but Good Actor [Re: imbroken]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 01/28/08
Posts: 2615
Loc: Central PA
I've been a good actor for most of my life. Now that I'm on meds I can pull it off to a semi-decent degree. Still have low motivation at work and such, but hopefully in time that'll get better.

I'm beat and worn out usually by the time I get home. Too much acting all day long!

#210440 - 03/13/08 05:52 AM Re: Insecure, but Good Actor [Re: JustScott]
dark empathy Offline

Registered: 11/26/07
Posts: 2687
Loc: durham, north england
I absolutely agree. the amount of times someone's said "how are things" and I've wanted to reply "bloody awful" but find myself saying "ok" instead, which also makes me feel like a lyer.

I do a lot of that sort of acting, --- often so that I can avoid burdening or hurting others with what's going on in me. Quite often this is something I do very consciously.

Then though, on the couple of occasions one of my closest friends have convinced me that they're giving me their real opinion and not just being very kind as they usually are, I found it to be very different from what I think of myself, undernieth my acting.

I've heard such bizarre things as that I'm really strong, immotionally stable and very confident. I don't know whether this is due to my acting, their kindness or something else, but when I've heard it and get close to believing it, it's hurt, ---- a lot.

Edited by dark empathy (03/13/08 11:07 AM)

#210446 - 03/13/08 07:12 AM Re: Insecure, but Good Actor [Re: dark empathy]
frost Offline

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
Well said, Ken.

As you can already see by the replies above... I think many here can identify with you on this, myself included.

I think to a degree it is a matter of normalcy to have self doubts like these and feel as though one is 'acting through it'. I also believe that we as survivors take those self doubts and run with them to an extreme degree. More often than not, to our very own detriment and self-defeat.

Thanks for sharing,


#210487 - 03/13/08 03:13 PM Re: Insecure, but Good Actor [Re: frost]
mike5 Offline

Registered: 08/01/07
Posts: 171
Loc: Cleveland, OH
I'd like to think I'm a good actor too - I'll do anything to make sure I look good - nothing to see here - everything's all together. Lately I've been realizing that I don't really care what other people think of me, my acting is mostly for myself as the audience. As long as I think I'm coming across the way I want to be seen, I'm ok. Once I think that I've made a mistake (which means letting people see me as I truly am), I get very nervous. Doesn't matter what they think - it is all about what I think they think.


#210513 - 03/13/08 07:45 PM Re: Insecure, but Good Actor [Re: mike5]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
My dad was a terrific Actor and I inherited his gift in more ways than one I am afraid. All my life has been an act to hide the secret and the real me. I am great at misdirection too. I have to try real hard to be open and real it is such a habit. I am getting better but it is as much real work and the acting is.

#210555 - 03/14/08 12:32 AM Re: Insecure, but Good Actor [Re: Freedom49]
TNuss Offline

Registered: 02/28/06
Posts: 203
Loc: Del-A-Ware???
WOW, you guys freakin' suck. Ken you explained my life to a tie. As I read your post, my eyes weld up with tears. I feel like I could win an Oscar.

Thank you!!!

All my best!!!

In harmony,
I hug myself daily until the day I find the embrace that completes me.

#210603 - 03/14/08 06:01 AM Re: Insecure, but Good Actor [Re: TNuss]
Mark P Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/13/08
Posts: 17
Loc: Bonney lake, WA
i read what you posted, and all the replies, and i sit here, wondering why i've never met anyone else like this. i'm 40, just realizing what a freaking liar i've been all my life, to myself, and to others. a friend said to me today that i have kept everyone at arm's lenght, and now, that i need and want help, they don't know what to do or how to react because i've spent so much time acting that i was ok, when inside, i was a wreck, insecure,and feeling horrible, but was so good at acting the strong, over achieving, always there employee, and always giving friend, that the fact that i might need help, never occured to anyone.
i think there are a lot of us out there like this, but we are too focused on being heros to others, that we forget to be better to ourselves.
Kudos to you for posting this. i'm new to the group, only been here a month, and have many dark and horrible thoughts, but you are the first and this group is the first i've felt connected with.
i'm sure we can all find hope and promise here, and maybe eventually, security.

Walk a day in my shoes, and you will want to die. protect me from a day in my shoes, and i will be forever in your debt.

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