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#207951 - 02/28/08 10:40 PM Hi, and a question about therapy. OK, a few.
dls2317 Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/28/08
Posts: 7
Hi everyone!

I'm engaged to a wonderful man who is also a survivor of CSA. He's not been dealing with it at all until about a month ago. Something I said at that time served as a trigger, and he's now in a very unstable spot.

For awhile I didn't talk about it at all. It felt like a betrayal to talk to any of my friends or family members about what happened to him, but I've been kind of broken. (Depressed, angry, frustrated, powerless, etc.)

My partner doesn't seem to know what he needs from me except for patience. I'm trying, and sometimes it's hard, but I'm getting better at taking a step back when my partner gets angry or depressed "at" me.

Last week, I spoke to a friend who lives far away, who does not and probably will not ever meet my husband-to-be, and who is also a survivor. I was a total mess, but it was the biggest relief to be able to talk about what I was going through with my partner and to see what a survivor might find helpful from a partner.

A friend of ours--also a CSA survivor--came to visit from out of state recently. She's going through therapy and is kind of further along in recovery. It's really amazing to see a possible light at the end of the tunnel. She had some great words of encouragement for me, and she also gave me some advice. (Ask questions, listen, be patient, know that he's an amazing person.) I hadn't seen her in months and I was a sobbing mess for hours. But it was a "good" sobbing mess.

He's not in therapy yet, and neither am I. He says he's ready for therapy, but the cost is almost prohibitive. The therapists in my area that specialize in PTSD are like $100-150 a session! There is no way we can afford this more than once or MAYBE twice a month. What do you do? Are there any places I could call that could refer therapists who work on a sliding scale? Or do you/the survivor in your life see someone who doesn't specialize in this?

I'm also considering therapy for myself. I do have health insurance, but I'm having trouble finding therapists in my area that will take insurance. I know that therapists HATE insurance as they rarely get paid, so I'm thinking about just seeing one without using the insurance. But again, that leads me to the same problem--it's really, really expensive.

Good to know this place is here. It's nice to know there's a community of partners/family/friends.


#207981 - 02/29/08 03:17 AM Re: Hi, and a question about therapy. OK, a few. [Re: dls2317]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Hello DLS and welcome,

This is a great place! I don't know where you're from, so I don't know if any of the therapist here may be of help, but check out this link and you may at least find a place to start. You can try calling rape crisis centers local to you as well to see if they can provide referrals to therapists experienced in csa.

Patience is what your fiance is asking for and exactly what you need to give - to him and to yourself. This is a very long and trying journey for all involved once our men start to deal with what happened. The far reaching effects are enormous and sometimes not even recognized until you're slapped in the face with it.

I'm glad you have friends in real life that you can talk to who can give you advice and perspective of what you and your fiance will be dealing with. They will be priceless in the long run.

Welcome to MS.

ROCK ON........Trish

If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

#207982 - 02/29/08 03:33 AM Re: Hi, and a question about therapy. OK, a few. [Re: Trish4850]
dls2317 Offline
New Here

Registered: 02/28/08
Posts: 7
Thanks, Trish!

I don't know what I'd do without my friends.. they've really been amazing.

I'll try the local rape crisis center to see if they have ideas.. the only therapist listed in my state (michigan) is unfortunately $250 for the first session and 140 for subsequent sessions. =(

#208111 - 02/29/08 11:13 PM Re: Hi, and a question about therapy. OK, a few. [Re: dls2317]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
You can also check with and type in your zip code. They often have sliding scales with some of the agencies. Private practice therapists are less likely to do sliding scale because they are responsible for all their costs that they wouldn't incur in an agency. So, rent, furniture, insurance, utilities, etc, that would be paid in an agency are borne entirely by the therapist in private practice and therefore, they have to charge more.

They have to also pay for training, conferences, supervision, etc.

While your calculator is figuring out how much money the therapist is making a week at $100-150 an hour, remember that they usually don't have 8-10 clients a day. Half of that would be alot for many.

Edited by Ken Singer, LCSW (02/29/08 11:14 PM)
Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse


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