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#207236 - 02/25/08 05:27 AM Not Necessarily Cognizant Thoughts
Bobby Offline

Registered: 12/01/04
Posts: 1287
Loc: Arizona
But don't you know how I feel?
Don't you know what you mean to me?
How I ache inside, when I don't hear from you?
You are my contact with reality
You are my contact with who I am
I reach my hand out from my isolation
Hoping to somehow touch your hand, reaching back
And when we touch, somehow I feel that I exist
Oh, I know that this is not real life
How many times have I been told that
And that my real life is in that other place
That place in which I am a father, a husband
Where I have a job, and go there every day
I drive a car, I get sick, I pay my bills
That life
But what could be more real than this
This place where I let my injured child out into the warming sun for a minute or two each day
To connect with someone who understands
Your verbal touch, warm water sprinkled gently down to bring him back to life
Your kindness, healing the wounds that seemed they would fester forever
Exist somewhere else? Unthinkable!
Dead, I thought, this child
But, then, there were these loving people
Caring people
Incredible in who they were
But they come and go
And he is very young
He does not understand life as I do I do
He does not put limits on his love
So, when you leave, he does not understand
Such pain he feels
And, so do I, because here his emotions, the emotions of a thousand pent-up, darkened hours
Are real
Demanding to be felt at last
He does not understand the non-reality of a computer screen
The easiness of typing kind words on electronic pages
This child loves for survival
So he will not die again
You know that
Your child knows that, and likely does the same
The pain of someone leaving is hardly worth the great release of loving
And yet he
For it is his only hope of healing
Perhaps I will know I am healed, when we, he and I, no longer need this place
But, for now, we do
And we can never relax, because we know that you will leave
If we say the wrong thing
Or frighten you away with this thought or that
So few here for the long haul
Myself included, so I guess
All of us so injured, so quick to run
And for good reason
Hurry, God, and let me heal
The fear
The pain
I have almost reached the end of my willingness to tolerate the anguish
Of being left alone again
By someone I had dared to allow my child to love.

I'm healing now, and I wasn't sure I would.

#207238 - 02/25/08 05:48 AM Re: Not Necessarily Cognizant Thoughts [Re: Bobby]
froggy12 Offline

Registered: 11/12/06
Posts: 527
Loc: Marlboro, MA 01752
Cogito, ergo NON sum
Ego sum, sed non cogito
ERGO: Quis scit?

Maybe the shadow Senor Bobby,
congizant can be a many splendored thing
but maybe not.
Do the ole Alfred E routine
and don't worry.



#207281 - 02/25/08 04:11 PM Re: Not Necessarily Cognizant Thoughts [Re: froggy12]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
Your kid and my kid have made connections. I look forward to you poetry and to your posts. Know that while they are esisting in cyber space yours will always have a friend on the other side of that monitor. Stay safe and warm.

#207287 - 02/25/08 04:24 PM Re: Not Necessarily Cognizant Thoughts [Re: Freedom49]
KENKEN Offline

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762

Your poetry is very real for me. I have recently contacted my "little guy". I am so happy to feel him and listen to him inside of me. We are getting acquainted after me ignoring him and refusing to listen to his needs over so many years.

We will survive, my "little guy" and me
He's all that I have, for me to see


From the Movie: Antwone Fisher


#207292 - 02/25/08 04:38 PM Re: Not Necessarily Cognizant Thoughts [Re: KENKEN]
dancr6 Offline

Registered: 12/02/07
Posts: 383
Loc: georgia
I will love it while I have it Bobby, and you and these guys are what gives me the courage to say that with conviction.

I'm a freeman now, his authority's dead
no pain monger lies in my comfortable bed!

#207337 - 02/25/08 07:59 PM Re: Not Necessarily Cognizant Thoughts [Re: dancr6]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

I remember how cool it was when you began to connect with Little Bobby, but it's also a joy to see you learning to accept and embrace him in all his boyishness and innocence. Your record of your own healing is such an inspiration to all of us.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)


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