I spoke to another gentlemen in a private PM about my original post title ("Difficulty Of Dealing With Being Raped By A Women") The following is an indexed annotation of that discussion. In the summer of 1979 I was savagely raped at the age of twenty-three by two men and one woman at gunpoint. After the initial shock I spoke to nobody, not even my family members. Nobody knew about it. Overwhelmed by great fears and shame I didn't even seek much needed medical attention due to the torturous heavy injuries I sustained to my body and groin. If it wasn't bad enough being sodomized, beaten, and whipped with an electrical cord for refusing to perform oral sex, by two rotten bastards. Try to contemplate the utter embarrassment and humiliation of having a woman in the same room sexually fondle and sodomize you with a hot curling iron. What the hell do you say with the loaded barrel of a gun in your mouth. Needless to express more details I was literally in a bloody mess after the immediate aftermath. Fear and shame is an awful thing to bear in life. For twenty-two years I dissociated my past horrors and buried them deep in my subconscious to a point of forgetting what happened to me. I realize today that the horrid memories I had so purposely tried to bury were really part of me all through my adult years. In 2003 at the age of forty-five I had a major nervous break-down, winding up in a psych-ward for two months. Today I am fifty years old, living with a loving empathetic wife whom I cherish deeply. If it were not for her I'd be back in a psych-ward or worse, dead. I must admit that I still have intimacy problems due to harsh memories and nightmarish dreams that still afflict me to this very day. I am not one who favors psychotropic medication even though I reluctantly admit it is necessary for some of us. For a number of male rape victims who are faced with being raped by women. And yes; it sure as hell does happen. Perhaps it's a matter of intimacy, or the lack thereof in some of us "not" being able to initiate intimacy in it's variable stages. For years I struggled with what is commonly referred to in psychiatric/psychology circles as ("Hypoactive Sexual Aversion Disorder")...Feelings of repugnance or sexual aversion "avoidance" in matters of sexual relations, genital contact or any form of sexual pleasure period. Although less repressed today with the compassionate help of a female sex-therapist who has helped me immeasurably rationalize my feelings concerning sexual aversion resultant of being raped.
Today the painful memories of being raped by two men and a woman
in the past still haunt my inner sanctum in struggling to secure peace. In asking myself in being a man, if it is worse being raped by a woman or men. Both inflict the same horrendous painfil stigma as far as I'm concerned. Indeed; this is a difficult subject. And not every male rape victim is forced to contemplate these issues. Anyways; I appreciate you gentlemen allowing me to add to this post. We are never alone in our personal suffering no matter how bad it seems to get. Lots of Love...Chris
Edited by jcf1957 (02/26/08 06:52 PM)
No affliction nor temptation, no guilt nor power of sin, no wounded spirit nor terrified conscious should induce us to despair comfort from God.
Today well lived...makes every tomorrow a vision of Hope.