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#207208 - 02/25/08 02:48 AM Re: dating and giving up on it [Re: markgreyblue]
sabata Offline

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1950
For What its Worth-------------------I Have been living by myself for 7 years------------------i had a relationship before that-----------------------it was very bad-------------i was abused in every way you could imagine----------------stupid----------------------i felt that was all i was good for-------------------------------so my abused from a child continued into muy adult years--------------------it wasa major thing for me to get out of that relationship--------------------------i left every thing i worked for for about 10 years---------------------pluss the abuse----------------------but then i was lost-----------------------------scared not knowing what to do--------------------------------------so here i am---------------------all by myself----------------------no more abuse---------------------just the memories--------------------and all of the mental crap----------------------scars ect-------------------------now what---------------------------relationship????????????????i ofetn think that would be great----------------------------but i know i cant do that------------------i dont even know how--------------------------------------so i feel why bother-----------------------------------------ageing all alone----------------------guess it could be worse-----------------------------steve

#207216 - 02/25/08 03:23 AM Re: dating and giving up on it [Re: sabata]
markgreyblue Offline

Registered: 12/19/03
Posts: 5400
Loc: Pasadena, CA
Steve, thanks for sharing your thoughts.
You are not alone. I think even if we relate just here, none of us are alone.

I would like a relationship. I am thinking maybe it will come but I am not rushing something
that cannot be rushed. So yes I am lonely - I am trying to be contented and take care of myself
without an 'other.'

I think I can just keep doing what I am supposed to do. Sometimes the dissapointments do overwhelm.

peace, your friend,


" not look outside yourself for the leader."
-wisdom of the hopi elders

"...the sign of a true leader is service..." - anonymous

#207218 - 02/25/08 03:31 AM Re: dating and giving up on it [Re: markgreyblue]
mogigo Offline

Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Just want to say hey, yup on all this post. Tired of being alone, but you know just reading and knowing all of you guys makes me feel less alone. That is worth quite a bit.

I'm with you Mark, a while ago I was desperate but now I know I can wait, the connection helps so much.

Stay strong guys


#209883 - 03/10/08 02:07 PM Re: dating and giving up on it [Re: markgreyblue]
johnnymike Offline

Registered: 03/08/08
Posts: 56
Loc: Central Ohio
The reason I joined is because someone nice asked if we could date exclusively. Of course while cuddling with him part of me wanted to run out of the house, jump in the car and hide in my apartment. Not very fuctional I thought. Could no longer deny there is work I need to be doing.

I think in the past I avoided nice people for relationships because I did not think it fair to bring my big bag o' problems into their lives. I had the talk with the new one about my past and he does not scare easy. Of course I have great potential to screw this up on my own.

Several friends and I ponder are we too damaged for a relationship?

#209886 - 03/10/08 02:25 PM Re: dating and giving up on it [Re: johnnymike]
Scoutvictim Offline

Registered: 06/04/07
Posts: 434
Loc: St. Louis, Missouri

You have some damage, but it is fixable. You deserve a relationship and you are worth it.

Many of us have troubles with relationships, but they can be great.

Luv ya,

Shawn and Ben will always be in my heart....

Happiness is like peeing your pants; Everyone can see it, but only YOU feel the warmth.

Peebles, Ohio WOR alumni, Oct. 2007

#254349 - 10/11/08 05:03 AM Re: dating and giving up on it [Re: Scoutvictim]
arronb Offline

Registered: 02/02/08
Posts: 1005
Loc: Perth
Dating …

Update …

Have arrived at Hope Springs … was not much on offer, so wandered off to someplace different, and wouldn’t you know it, whilst I was lost in the wilderness, someone special found me instead…

Hope Springs Eternal … you bet it does !!!

Moral of the story, you never know where love will come from … so never give up.

Keep Smilin'

#254393 - 10/11/08 03:02 PM Re: dating and giving up on it [Re: arronb]
M3 Offline

Registered: 09/05/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
Thanks for the update Arronb!

I agree that there may be times in our lives when we are too broken for a relationship, but we are NEVER too broken to heal. So maybe a little healing is in order.

Peace and love everyone!


#262958 - 11/21/08 02:40 AM Re: dating and giving up on it [Re: markgreyblue]
simongb Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/27/05
Posts: 5
Loc: Baltimore, MD
I have given up on finding a stable relationship. That concept seems so far away that I don't even think about it anymore. I just need to get myself together first.


#263178 - 11/22/08 08:18 PM Re: dating and giving up on it [Re: simongb]
M3 Offline

Registered: 09/05/07
Posts: 1392
Loc: Central Ohio
And Simon, that is probably exactly what you should do. So many times we, as survivors, are so hungry for love that we want to be healed through a relationship, or want a relationship first so we can have more love and support while we pursue treatment and healing.

The problem is, we aren't ready emotionally for the ups and downs of dating or even have the capacity emotionally for participating successfully in a relationship AND work on recovery at the same time. It's really hard.

Making yourself whole first will make future relationships much more rich and the potential for a successful, long-term relationship is much greater.

We are here to listen and support your. Let me know if I can be of assistance to you...

Peace and love...


#267035 - 12/14/08 01:25 AM Re: dating and giving up on it [Re: M3]
Danbuff Offline

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 249
Loc: NY state
I just read this thread and as someone mentioned...there is something to relate to from each of the posts. I am glad I came upon this topic.
Yeah it's true I need to get myself together first and yes I might attract them once I do. I have enormous issues with my body image and trusting others sincerity and motive since I have met many fraudulent people perhaps I attracted by being who I am....whoever that is. I take two steps forward and one step back.

Lets see...I hate my body, either mistrust or over-trust. I used to confuse sex as love but I was used the same way I was by incestuous family who members used me and confused me. My first two relationships were abusive and the guy I lived with at age 21 also took advantage of me although not a partner.

I have no clue about what to disclose, when and how much. Which do I tell first? I have AIDS or am a survivor? This gets old with me and I just want to share my life with a good man who might show me real love. I am not so sure that is possible.

So I appreciate knowing I am not the only one with this lonely existence that only is relieved when I am helping others. I cannot wait until I attend a weekend of recovery. It is as if I am a dog chasing its tail...a complete circle.

Thanks for reading my words

When you stumble, make it part of the dance.

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