Well I had my first T session yesterday
afternoon and I dont think it went very well.
Jack, going strictly by my limited experience (4 T's in 13 years) and observations, first "T times"
rarely seem to go very well.
Sometimes with that 20-20 hindsight we see that it went better than we thot. Sometimes however it might be that it really didn't go well.
Which isn't to say the situation could not improve with further sessions. Which in turn isn't to say that it will, and that a change may not be in order.
Usually I would suspect that it would take more than one session to determine whether or not a change is for the best. However, especially if we had significant doubts going in, we do have to pay some attention to our inner voice & instincts.
Well, that was a helpful rot of babble wasn't it?!
I had some doubts about using a female and I should have listened to my gut on it because her mannerism did not inspire confidence and I could'nt connect with her.
Jack, if you want to answer this, do you have particular reasons for having doubts about using a female T? Sometimes discerning those reasons can help us decide if it might be worth it & a healthy growing experience for us to keep a female
Personally, I doubt if I could ever have a female T, certainly not now. This is becuz my so-called childhood was controlled by domineering & abusive
females, especially my mother who was my primary perp, both sexually & emotionally. I just can't imagine opening myself up emotionally that way to a woman with such a position of potential power over me; it's hard enuf with my wife of 23 years!
Interestingly, my massage T is a woman and I could
not imagine making myself so physically vulnerable
to a man; I'm even still a bit uncomfortable with
my chiropractor with the limited touching he does
(tho he's great & I'm getting over that).
This in turn is becuz while the majority of my SA was by women the emotional incest & abuse by them seems worse. Men were rarely around but were virtually always abusive sexually & physically when they were.
Also the abuse by men tended to be much more violent, from my father shaking me then s*cking me & making me s*ck him then *nally raping me as an infant (the first SA I remember), to the violent rape by the gay couple my mother sold me to when I was 11 (the last SA I remember).
She became a little defensive when I asked about a "PLAN" on how she was going to treat me . All I got was a little defensiveness on her part and nothing concrete.
Is it too much to ask a therapist what he/she's plan is , an approach ?
Jack in her defense it may take a few sessions for her to formulate a plan. But she should at least be willing & started and I don't see why she would be defensive about it.
No a plan is not too much to ask for. If she is not willing to work with you on that, and/or if you just can't be comfortable with a woman, hopefully you can find another good T.
My preference would be a man who works with male survivors. But that's me. And while my T has done some work with male survivors it's not a specialty
or anything. But I wouldn't trade him!
Please understand that I am sooo very confused and anxious about all this . I am still very new to this and dont know apples from oranges.
Hey I'm old and I still haven't figured it out!
So take it easy on yourself ok fellow survivor?
I kinda want the T to walk me through the whole process to slowly ASK step by step what happened and when and draw it all out in a way that I can undertand things. Because I am soo confused and have so many different kinds of emotions going I need someone to lead me through a discovery kind of phase .
Sounds reasonable to me Jack. I hope you can find that whether with this T or another one.
TC & TTYL friend.
Am I asking too much ?