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#204820 - 02/12/08 08:33 AM Re: Where would you be today? [Re: John Oarc]
GateKPR4 Offline

Registered: 10/29/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Not sure where I would be but I bet it would have been something to do with the space program. \:\)
Or I would be some kind of ecologist trying to come up with better ways to use energy, and save our natural resources.

I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
|| || || || || || |

#204900 - 02/12/08 08:14 PM Re: Where would you be today? [Re: GateKPR4]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
There's NO WAY to guess where I'd be now. It SO radically changed my path and abilities in life. I had great potential. All of that was shut-down and I was put into minute-to-minute survival mode. There was no future in my eye's till I was 26 years old.

#204912 - 02/12/08 11:42 PM Re: Where would you be today? [Re: ]
John Oarc Offline

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Thanks for all the thoughts on this matter. I have thought about this and it has ran it's course in this process called recovery. I believe that looking back is difficult to do and it is a no win situation when you think about it. There is a bible verse that talks about this, in a round about way it does no good to look backwards while trying to go forwards. I know that all of us had to look back into our past to realize how our future was being manipulated by the past traumas but at some point, we need to steady our vision on the future and what we can do now to make it happen. I know that from time to time we need to revisit the trauma and finish up on the stages as we feel the strength to do so so don't get me wrong it's all good.

I just needed to vent this one out and get my brothers feedback, that is; my brothers here at MS.

You guys are great, thanks for the help and I mean that.

It's great to know that we have this place to come to and discuss things.

Edited by John Oarc (02/13/08 01:58 AM)
Whatever It Takes, God

#204920 - 02/13/08 01:20 AM Re: Where would you be today? [Re: John Oarc]
Poet24 Offline

Registered: 02/09/08
Posts: 36
I really don't know where I would be had the abuse not happened, however I am at peace with who I am, at least tonight, a 24 year old with scars, no self-esteem, multiple personalities, and far more problems than I could ever hope to list. However, I believe we are only given what we can handle, what we are strong enough for. I figure that I would be completely different had I not been abused,maybe better in some ways, but I believe my compassion and empathy would not be at the level that it is. Going through something terrible makes it mor likely that we can empathize with others, I believe God only puts us into situations we can handle with the help of family, and friends, and him. Sorry to sound religious there, but I believe we all go through what we do for a reason, maybe a reason not evident to us, maybe something subtle, maybe something grand, I guess that depends on the person and their personality. I figure sure some things are messed up in my life, but I have to ask what can I gain from the experience, how can I put it to good use? I think somethign good can come from almost anything, however terrible or b rutal it may seem.

Just my thought, I hope it hasn't offended anyone. and I wish you all peace.


THe spirit is a fragile thing, easy to break, but not impossible to fix.

#204968 - 02/13/08 12:38 PM Re: Where would you be today? [Re: Poet24]
Lazarus Offline

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
You're right on about one thing, at least, Poet; it's a rare cloud that has no silver lining. In trying to look back to speculate about a different path, I keep coming back to the things I would have missed. Chances are some things might be better, but then maybe not. But if it weren't for the path that I followed I wouldn't have my kids, I wouldn't have my two best friends, I wouldn't know any of you guys here on MS...

But really, there is no 'why'. That's just the way it IS.


"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

#204984 - 02/13/08 03:19 PM Re: Where would you be today? [Re: Lazarus]
Minute2Minute Offline

Registered: 01/12/08
Posts: 70
Loc: MB, Canada
I don't know where I'd be, or what I would be doing, or who I would have become. The only thing I can think of is that I wouldn't be asking myself "What if?" with the overpowering overtone of negativity that question causes now. I try to avoid that question as much as possible. It's a much too painful road to follow. I would rather take Lazarus' approach and think about what I DO have in a positive way. I am who I am and there are good things around me...if I allow myself to see them.


#204987 - 02/13/08 03:40 PM Re: Where would you be today? [Re: Minute2Minute]
VLinvictus Offline

Registered: 12/05/07
Posts: 273
Loc: NY
I love counterfactuals. But as Lazarus pointed out, if I didn't have the past that I had I wouldn't have the present that I have and the people in it that I care about.

I think that if my life had been different, I would be more socialable and outgoing. I would be more of a people-person. I would be able to handle interacting with strangers and groups better. I wouldn't have retreated into books and fantasy and obscure intellectual distractions that separated me from my peers in school. The inevitable teasing and bullying in school would not have had the devastating effect on me that it did. I would not have been the moody loner that I am.

I probably would not have latched on to older male adult authority figures in order to get validation and approval, so I probably would not have fallen in love/lust with my 10th grade European History teacher and decided that I wanted to follow his career path and go to his alma mater. So, there is no way to predict what school I would have gone to or where.

Like MemoryVault, though, I wonder that if I were more comfortable outside if I ever would have spend as much time and energy inside, if all of the interests I've explored which have given me such pleasure and made my life interesting would have gone unexplored. I guess it's a trade off.

I wish my life had been better, but I'm happy for the good things in my life now and I wouldn't want to trade them in for the mystery prize behind door number 2.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.
~ Oscar Wilde

#205060 - 02/14/08 01:58 AM Re: Where would you be today? [Re: VLinvictus]
ericc Offline

Registered: 01/05/08
Posts: 1986
The more I think about it, the more I realize I have no idea where I would be today if the abuse had not happened. I suppose I could speculate, but not sure it does me any good. I am going to try and make where I am now better and better as I move forward.

I think I tend to idealize what may have been, but I am pretty sure whatever the outcome, it would not be my what idealizations are. I am going to try and do well for the future, and if that means taking things one step at a time for a while, well I guess that is alright. I think I have a hard time letting go, but maybe I can let go one day at a time and see what happens.

#205089 - 02/14/08 03:34 AM Re: Where would you be today? [Re: ericc]
ak Offline

Registered: 01/10/04
Posts: 1491
I have no idea, and no way of knowing. It seem always, when such thoughts come up, people always assume that their life would be so much better without the abuse, that they would be so much more successful persons. We have no way to know that, and to think like that, it is to feel that we have been robbed of much more even then what we already know. I rather just not think of it, and not know.


#205095 - 02/14/08 03:52 AM Re: Where would you be today? [Re: ak]
mogigo Offline

Registered: 04/25/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
people always assume that their life would be so much better without the abuse,

I think the thing for me is "not better" but what I could have done with 20 lost years. As I come to find some meaning in my life it becomes much clearer how much time I did lose.

Maybe I would have been a different person but if I wasn't that's 20 years I could have given instead of starting now.

Stay strong


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