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#202105 - 01/29/08 01:56 AM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: GateKPR4]
Derdlecar Offline

Registered: 11/08/05
Posts: 1316
Loc: Ogden Utah, USA

Man, I feel for you. I remember well the fear of seeing a T. I was very aware of the csa for quite a few years before I finely went to see a T. I remember that day well. At this time, I'll only say that the reason I went then was because I had completely exhausted all other options. I could go see a T or I could die, that simple. Even then I was too frightened to go by myself and refused to go unless my wife would go with me.

So you hang in there and remember that you have a whole lot of us here that are in your corner.

Love ya

If a man would get his life on track, he must first go back to the place where it was derailed.

#202130 - 01/29/08 03:24 AM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: GateKPR4]
KENKEN Offline

Registered: 09/25/07
Posts: 762
Like the above posts, I too was scared on my first visit to my T. I felt comfortable almost immediately because he just wanted to listen to me. The first visit he never picked up his pen or turned on his computer. He just listened as a friend to me ramble on and on.

At the end of the appt. he said that he wanted to help me and if I trusted him he wanted to see me again. He has been my only rock. He has helped me more than any one else.

I hope you find a T as good as mine. Finding a T that you can trust is the most important in my mind.

Good luck and you will prevail



From the Movie: Antwone Fisher


#202160 - 01/29/08 04:10 AM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: BruisedSpirit]
theatrekid Offline

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
Scott the night before my first T appointment i was a nervous wreck. I was so scared. thousands of thoughts went through my mind what if he doesn't help? what if he isn't good? what if he takes advantage of me? or worse i wondered what if i break down or go crazy during a session with him? all kinds of things were racing through my head. The next day i went, more than a little nervous to his little office. It was a great environment in a pretty part of town with a fantastic coffee shop next door i stopped and got a drink and then walked to his office.

6 months later i am a new person all of those fears of mine were misplaced. It helped me so much, i am willing to bet if you give it a try it will help you to.


#202189 - 01/29/08 04:39 AM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: theatrekid]
MemoryVault Offline

Registered: 03/02/07
Posts: 693
Loc: NJ
Every time I seriously consider finding one, I convince myself that I'm fine and everything's great, and what am I complaining about?

Then, when I'm really feeling hurt, I tell myself I'll get around to it when I feel better...

#202228 - 01/29/08 11:07 AM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: MemoryVault]
frost Offline

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?

It took me many tries to actually make it into a therapist's office for the first time. I simply wasn't ready. When I finally did go, it was among the most awkward and difficult things I've ever done.

Like many others have said here, Therapy can be an essential part of healing and in my opinion the search for a good therapist is a worthwhile search. Therapy for me, recently, has become a very rewarding experience that is very much worth the while.

To make things a little easier on yourself, armor up with a little knowledge before calling around to talk to therapists in your area. Have a look at Ken Singer's "Consumer's Guide to Therapist Shopping" which will give you a good idea of what to look for in a therapist.

One last thing I'll mention before I sign off here. When I was calling around town to various therapist's offices, I talked to a lot of receptionists. Every so often, however, the therapist would answer his or her own phone! This gave me a chance to do a little investigating over the phone for how they worked and their principles. The reason I chose the therapist I am now working with, is because she was extremely easy to talk to on the phone. She didn't allow for dead air time, and just kept the conversation flowing and was concerned for my comfort level right from the get go. As such, I've found it was a lot easier to talk to her right from the beginning [compared to my previous therapist]. So.. Try phoning around, see who you talk to. You never know what you'll find out until you try.

Good luck with the first appointment. You can do it!


#202246 - 01/29/08 01:11 PM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: MemoryVault]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Scott, David,

Originally Posted By: MemoryVault
Every time I seriously consider finding one, I convince myself that I'm fine and everything's great, and what am I complaining about?

Then, when I'm really feeling hurt, I tell myself I'll get around to it when I feel better...

I think a lot of us do this - it's of course just a way of avoiding something we know we need to do. I hope you will both get out there and take the risk. That first step is scary as hell, but it is SO worth it.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#202274 - 01/29/08 03:27 PM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: roadrunner]
BruisedSpirit Offline

Registered: 06/26/07
Posts: 192
Loc: Ontario, Canada

Thank-you so much for sharing your experiences and lending support.

I will try.


#202277 - 01/29/08 03:34 PM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: BruisedSpirit]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 01/28/08
Posts: 2615
Loc: Central PA
Took me a long long time. I knew for years that I had issues, but always had an excuse. Was just about a month ago that various mental and emotional barriers started disintegrating on me and the full reality of my childhood set in. Huge depression that nearly cost me my marriage followed. I meet with a therapist for the first time next week. I'm nervous and scared, but holding onto the idea that it can only help. Called my sister this past week and started talking to her again, I was surprised to find that she's been seeing a therapist as well. She was hurt by some of the same people that hurt me, so one of the topics of conversation we'll have this coming weekend will be some of those issues. Hopefully we can both really begin healing our relationship.

T's are good. Hang in there.

#202283 - 01/29/08 04:19 PM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: JustScott]
Lazarus Offline

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
In my humble opinion and experience, the best therapists that I have had have been the ones who listened to me and then asked the right questions to make me see the answers to my own quesions/problems. Nobody has ever said, "You have to do this and this, and then you'll be all better."

It is nervewracking the first few times, but it gets easier. Don't be afraid to cry, or to spill your guys. Honesty is paramount; if you withhold anything, the questions you get from your T won't necessarily be the right ones.

Respectfully submitted,


"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

#202305 - 01/29/08 05:52 PM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: Lazarus]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1677
Loc: Moscow, Russia

You are not alone, and you are a brave survivor since you e talking about these things.

It was hard to me to find a T and start a therapy. I went from one T, and then from another. the third and current one is good.

If you arefeeling so scared, try telephone interviewing them at first.


When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

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