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#202023 - 01/28/08 04:33 PM Too scared to talk to a T
BruisedSpirit Offline

Registered: 06/26/07
Posts: 192
Loc: Ontario, Canada
I finally went to see my physician last week. I showed him the recent scars from my self-harm, and we discussed my current mental state. Of course, when he asked if there was anything else he should know I froze up and didn't say a word about the CSA. He has prescribed an antidepressant and suggested that I talk to a T.

I know I need to talk to a T, but I'm having a hard time fighting my fear and I have not been able to talk to one yet.

I'm wondering how many of you started seeing a T after you were aware of the CSA and how hard was it to go that first time?

Do you have any suggestions or observations that might make this easier for me?



#202025 - 01/28/08 04:38 PM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: BruisedSpirit]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
Scott, it was hard at first I almost passed out the first time. It gets easier, Better. and very helpful. Please do go get a good T and follow his guidence. you won't regret it.


#202032 - 01/28/08 04:51 PM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: Freedom49]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

I was terrified the first time I went to see my T. Like most guys new to therapy, I had in mind that we would sit down and the T would say something like, "Right, so why did you let him fuck you all those years?"

It wasn't that way at all. Remember that the T is a pro and knows what he or she is doing. It may well be that you won't discuss anything directly linked to the CSA for quite some time. The T knows how important it is for you to feel safe and build up some trust before you can really talk about things, so that will have to come first.

Bear in mind too that at any time you can say, "I don't feel comfortable about this yet" and ask to talk about something else. The T is there to give you professional support and guidance, but it's YOUR recovery.

I suspect that lots of other guys will say similar things to you, but hey, it is rough going that first time. All I will say is that eventually, going for my T appointment was a highlight of my week. I learned so much and it did me a world of good.

I really recommend that you go ahead and do this, no matter how uncomfortable you feel about it at the moment. If you can, keep talking about it here so others can encourage and support you.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#202039 - 01/28/08 05:29 PM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: roadrunner]
Stephen_5 Offline
BoD Emeritus
Registered: 09/12/00
Posts: 667
Loc: Northern California Foothills

I always 'knew' about the CSA but I remembered about it from an eleven year old's point of view, e.g., it was all my fault; if anyone knew I'd be in trouble; etc. This kept me in fear for way too long, over 38 years.

I went to see a therapist after seeing a physician too. It was scarey at first. I called four, went to one before I found the one that started me on the road to recovery. Read the link about finding a therapist on the home page, it's very helpful. My expectations were that once I told somebody (a therapist) I'd talk to him a couple of weeks and then I'd be all better. It doesn't quite happen that way. Looking back at the ten years since I started dealing with the CSA I've come an enormous distance. It isn't easy to face these personal demons but once you shine the light of day on them they aren't so frightening at all.

Take good care of yourself, you've got a lot of support here from your brothers who have traveled the same road you're starting down.


I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center.
Kurt Vonnegut (1922-2007)

#202042 - 01/28/08 06:09 PM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: roadrunner]
Minute2Minute Offline

Registered: 01/12/08
Posts: 70
Loc: MB, Canada
By coming here you have already faced your fear. You've already realized that how you feel and the things that you have done to yourself because of those feelings are a product of your CSA. You realize that you needed to ask for help. That is a HUGE accomplishment. The hardest thing for me was finally accept that I couldn't deal with this alone and I couldn't keep the secrets anymore. Those secrets aren't yours to keep. I was so frightened about opening up to anyone, but once I started, I found that I couldn't shut up about it. For me, even though I was deathly afraid of talking about it, the fear of continuing to do what I was doing to myself was worse. I basically had to just say "To hell with it" and I risked everything and I told. There ARE people who won't run away or judge you about the things that were done to you. There ARE people who care and understand. A therapist really can provide you a safe place to discuss the things that have kept you silent and they are there to help YOU.

I really just wanted to caution you about taking anti-depressants without seeing a therapist. Ten years ago, I emotionally bottomed out and was suicidal. At that time in my life, I hadn't faced the impact of my childhood trauma. I started taking anti-depressants and didn't talk to a T. Yes, I had blocked out much of my childhood, but I'm sure that if I had started therapy for my depression it likely would have come out and I would have been able to deal with it then. However, with the pills I started to "feel" better so I didn't have to deal with anything. Unfortunately, 10 years later, it came back a thousand times worse. The pills numbed the pain, but they never healed the wounds. You don't have to spill out everything all at once, but a T will help you feel safe enough to be able to start opening up.

I've also found that talking here has been a HUGE help. The people here understand, legitimately care, don't judge, and will encourage and support you as you take this journey. I have only had two sessions with my T, so I still have trouble discussing a number of things. But I'm trying. By coming here, you're trying too, and that takes courage and strength that you may not be giving yourself credit for.

But yes, it's scary as hell the first time, and the second time, and I'm guessing the third time will be too. But I think that fear will lessen and you WILL get better.

Take care of you

#202043 - 01/28/08 06:10 PM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: BruisedSpirit]
rcm Offline

Registered: 08/24/07
Posts: 156
Loc: Boston, MA
It was very difficult for me at first.
In fact, it took me a more than a few sessions to even mention it to my therapist.
Sometimes the words just didn't come out. So i opted to not talk about it at first. And I think that was ok.
I think the anti depressant will help you. Those things take a while to take effect, so you might feel somewhat differently about this after say, a couple of weeks.
Congratulations on taking the first steps to recovery.
I wish you the best.

Prince Zuko: [looking at a map] How am I going to find the Avatar? He is clearly a master of evasive maneuvering.
Sokka: [cut to him, looking at the same map] You have no idea where you're going, do you?

#202057 - 01/28/08 07:24 PM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: Stephen_5]
TJ jeff Offline

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3578
Loc: Northern Wisconsin

back in 2001 my doc got so worried about my stress level that he made me go see a T and put me on antideppressants too (he knew nothing of the abuse at that time)- took me a while to open up to the T and actualy tell him about the abuse (many months) (actualy it was him that gently led me to telling him about it) - I had to feel safe with him first before i could tell him that stuff - but in time i did open up to him - I hope that it works that way for you too...

TJ jeff

Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

#202088 - 01/29/08 12:29 AM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: TJ jeff]
sabata Offline

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1950
my life was a mess-i was desperate--------i didnt care any more-------------------so when i went to my first visit---------------i just rambled on--------------i knew i needed help----------------and was ready for it---------------steve

#202097 - 01/29/08 12:49 AM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: sabata]
Lazarus Offline

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
All I can add to the above is that in my 40 something years of on again off again therapy, I have never regretted going. I always figured they know a little about their chosen profession and I swore it would be 'all the truth and nothing but the truth' at my very first session. Nothing else could possibly provide positive results. In other words, IF they knew what they were talking about, and IF I told them the whole true story, they might be able to help me.

If you can't talk to you T, who CAN you talk to, right? Tell them everything, and you might discover something yourself.

Respectfully submitted,


"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

#202099 - 01/29/08 01:32 AM Re: Too scared to talk to a T [Re: BruisedSpirit]
GateKPR4 Offline

Registered: 10/29/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I have worked with therapist off and on over the years. I was scared of them but I wanted them to fix me. I didn't think the csa was a big deal
I didn't ever tell anyone ever what happened to me, out of fear my abusers would find out and hurt me.
I always thought my depression was the issue not the abuse.

25 years later I finally opened up to my last therapist, and that took 2 years before I trusted her enough to lay the whole deal on her.

It was a very empowering experience.
To finally know the truth, and that all I was feeling and believing in was a lie. To know that it was not my fault and that I did nothing wrong and I did not have to feel guilty or shameful for what happened. To know I was groomed and tricked. Manipulated like a puppet to do the bidding of abusers. I was threatened and coerced. I was never really a willing participant in the abuse.

This new information changed my life, along with the support of this site.
I understand your fear, your not alone in this and know that a therapist is someone trying to help you/ us.

I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
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