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#20080 - 11/28/05 11:34 PM Just starting my recovery
frodo Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 11/28/05
Posts: 1
A little history as to how I came to where I am right now.

My abuse happened when I was 4,5, or 6 years old, (I'm not sure exactly when) by my older step brother. I believe that I was always aware of the abuse and I convinced myself that I was NEVER GOING TO LET THAT EXPERIENCE AFFECT MY LIFE. I made that my lifes' goal. I would get angry when I would hear stories on the news of somebody using their abuse as an excuse as to why they committed some horendous act. No way in hell was I ever going to let that experience control any aspect of my life what so ever. I just won't allow it. So I thought.

So, on I go living life in my own way, knowing that in the back of my mind that this abuse was naging me some how, but I just wouldn't accept the possibility that it was impacting my life.

Two years ago I got some career counseling to figure out what I want to be when I grow up (I'm currently 34 yrs old). In that process, I took a Myers-Briggs personality test to try and figure out what careers I would find satisfying. I was informed that my personality type is somewhat of a rare one. I am an ENFP (Extravert, with Intuition, Feeling, and Perception). Only 1% of the population make up this kind of personality type, and a large majority of them are women.

Either way, It was a great experience, it provided me with lots of info and options for me to do research on.

Six months later, my wife and I were discussing some of my negative childhood experiences (sex abuse as well as other emotional abuse I've experienced), and I made the dession that I was going to do some research into my abuse. I picked a book called "Victoms no longer, male survivors recovering from childhood sexual abuse" by author Mike Lew (an excellent book if you haven't read it).

I was reading this book and gaining insight as to how the abuse might have actually affected me against my will, and than I read a sentence that stopped me cold.

The author writes "Survivors are the most Intuitive, Feeling or Comapasionate,and Perceptive people I have ever come across".

All he had to do was write Extraverted and it was the results from my personality test. In this moment I came to the realization that not only did my abuse affect me, IT'S BEEN THE FUCKING CORNER STONE OF MY VERY PERSONALITY!!!

I'm curious, any other ENFP's out there?

A shoking realization to say the least.

After procrastinating for close to a year, I finaly called a therapist who advertised in the local paper. She is a sex therapist who specializes in trauma. I met with her for the first time just last week and she is recommending EMDR therapy. I've done some research on it and I have no reason to think that it won't be helpful, but I do come across some negative responses regarding it.

Anyone have some experience with EMDR that they would like to share?

Anyhow, thanks for reading, sorry for the length, glad I found you guys. Cheers.

Life is about the journey, not the destination.

#20081 - 11/29/05 01:23 AM Re: Just starting my recovery
fozzy_bear Offline

Registered: 10/16/05
Posts: 54
Loc: Upstate NY
As far as EMDR goes, I think it is maybe beneficial for those that can't confront, realize, visualize the trauma. It's treatment focuses on the actual event and your feelings at the time, it doesn't deal much with the cause and outcome.

As with any therapy, don't be afraid to move on if its not working for you and look for another therapist.

#20082 - 11/29/05 06:39 AM Re: Just starting my recovery
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
I do EMDR but I wouldn't propose it the first time I met with somebody. While you may be appropriate for EMDR, in my experience it is better to get to know the person and his issues before going ahead.

On the other hand, EMDR is remarkable in terms of getting rid of the negative feelings and thoughts resulting from the abuse. It can be very powerful and should be used in the right situations.

Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse

#20083 - 11/29/05 11:22 AM Re: Just starting my recovery
Born to Resist Offline

Registered: 09/30/05
Posts: 269
Loc: Southern California, USA

Welcome ... good to hear that you've begun seeing a therapist.


#20084 - 11/29/05 06:11 PM Re: Just starting my recovery
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

Could I turn around something you say in your post:

In this moment I came to the realization that not only did my abuse affect me, IT'S BEEN THE FUCKING CORNER STONE OF MY VERY PERSONALITY!!!
I know what you mean, but let's look at it in another way. The skills you have developed in order to cope with abuse, THOSE - and not the abuse itself - have become the cornerstone of your personality.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#20085 - 11/29/05 11:51 PM Re: Just starting my recovery
AuthenticMe Offline

Registered: 10/10/05
Posts: 345

Welcome to MS. I am 34 as well and have been seeing a therapist who does EMDR. I agree with Ken that it can be very useful, especially with a therapist whom you trust.


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