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#200455 - 01/21/08 04:21 AM Are violent shows/movies common to all survivors?
Brokenhearted Offline

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Hi everybody,

I'm still around....nothing much new, just wondering if a lot of survivors tend to watch violent tv or violent movies? My H has always done this, and he never seems to need a breather from them. Could it be because of an insatiable anger inside of him? He says watching these kinds of shows "relaxes" him!! Do you think the movies act out his anger for him?

I am really curious about this. Also I wonder if he'll ever recognize that there really are very worthwhile shows out there that don't involve shooting someone's head off every 2 min. Have any of you been through this, where you fed yourself a daily diet of this kind of thing, then finally, through recovery, lost your appetite for such violent things?

Any feedback is valuable -- thanks.


It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

#200457 - 01/21/08 04:45 AM Re: Are violent shows/movies common to all survivors? [Re: Brokenhearted]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
HI Brokenhearted,
I am a survivor and I have to confess that all my life I have been facinated by violent movies and sci fi vampirs, werewolves etc you get the idea. Loved Dirty Harry movies and all the Death Wish movies with Charles Bronson.
I never actually thought about it but yeah now that you mention it I think I did get a kick out of watching the bad guys get their comeuppance in as violent a way as possible. Maybe something to that. I also at the same time had/have a real problem watching the bad guys hurt, humiliate or intimidate the weak. It got to me on a viceral level and I found it VERY uncomfortable to sit through. All through the show/movie I kept waiting and hoping the jerk would get whats coming to him but get it in a very painful way. I would cheer sometimes which brought a few stares too. Not just die but Die Hard, if you know what I mean.
Damn talking about this is getting me choaked up and all emotional.I think you hit on something. Maybe others will comment too.


Edited by Freedom49 (01/21/08 04:49 AM)

#200463 - 01/21/08 05:17 AM Re: Are violent shows/movies common to all survivors? [Re: Brokenhearted]
PeaceSeeker Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/17/08
Posts: 11
For me it really depends on the movie...I don't just like any violence for violence's sake. If there is just a lot of senseless shooting and death, it's disturbing to me, and I usually don't watch those movies.

However, movies involving revenge, justice, etc. are major escapes and can be really moving for me. I live vicariously through the heroes that have been so wounded they have become heartless and cold-blooded, like Clint Eastwood in the Unforgiven. Or the Native Americans in Last of the Mohicans. I relate to the hero that feels dead inside, like my soul is dead, and those moth$#@$@#$$s are going to pay. I like the whole concept that someone has been through so much pain, suffering, and injustice that they literally laugh in the face of pain and death. I actually used to have a tape of all the great Clint Eastwood quotes from Unforgiven, and listening to them would empower me.

But it only goes so far...indulging those feelings can really encourage me to shut down, shut off emotionally. That's the problem with those movies, or anything that helps numb the death-like emotions...the emotions that you want, like joy, grief, excitement, etc, especially if you are in a relationship, can also become numb, which can hurt worse in the long run.

I would say that I find the further along my path of recovery and healing I have gone, the less I have sought out and buried myself in those kinds of movies. But I won't turn the channel if one comes on!

#200465 - 01/21/08 05:25 AM Re: Are violent shows/movies common to all survivors? [Re: PeaceSeeker]
Andres Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/08/08
Posts: 6
Loc: Rio de Janeiro
I have to say that movies like Saw, Hostel, and etc facinate me. Strange think to think of though, I don't know how to explain why because they're movies that show people being tortured and dying. Maybe it's just a way to think it's not me......

I also have a tendancy to like movies which the principle characters of the movie die. For any reason it seems that if they die it means that bad things can happen with anyone (even if you're the center of the picture). It's not only with those side characters (like me). It could be anybody.

"And I hate how much I love you
I can't stand how much I need you"

#200489 - 01/21/08 09:17 AM Re: Are violent shows/movies common to all survivors? [Re: Andres]
theatrekid Offline

Registered: 06/03/07
Posts: 702
Loc: oregon
Brokenharted maybe your Husband just has bad taste in movies?
maybe there is some psychological reason why he likes violent movies, but i wouldnt hope for him to lose his interest in them and become a Woody Alan fan \:\) ... really though if he watches violent movies to vent some frustration good for him thats o.k. (although pretty boring for you.)

The fantasy that movies provide to me is very fascinating, I constantly watch movies to escape my own reality even though its just for a short time. for instance tonight i saw cloverfield It was pretty gruesome and realistic but for those 2 hours I am an observer in some one else's experiences, I leave my baggage outside the theater and don't have to pick it up until the movie is over. Perhaps that is what your husband is doing with movies.


#200598 - 01/21/08 09:22 PM Re: Are violent shows/movies common to all survivors? [Re: theatrekid]
LandOfShadow Offline

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Besides motivated by rage and revenge, I think it's sometimes kind of unconscious re-enacting trauma, horror and fear. I've noticed for a while I watch the gory and violent shows and afterwards think, why did I put myself though it? It was awful and unpleasant. I still want to do it again, but I'm stopping myself more and more.

Does that ring a bell with anyone?

Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you

Paul Eluard

#200605 - 01/21/08 11:09 PM Re: Are violent shows/movies common to all survivors? [Re: LandOfShadow]
GateKPR4 Offline

Registered: 10/29/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I have always loved a good monster movie. Frankenstein Vs. the Mummy and that kind of thing.

I really don't enjoy graphic violence, The 1971 move "A Clockwork Orange " by Anthony Burgess still disturbs me today when I think about it. It literally made knots in my stomach.
I sometimes enjoy forensic shows like CSI and Forensic Files but that seems to be ebbing.
I can't stand COPs, and other reality shows that have domestic violence. Which is probably because I grew up in neighborhoods where there was violence, and I find watching these shows brings back a lot of sad, angry mixed up emotions.
I also enjoy a good fantasy movie, Legend, What dreams may come, Willow.
As I get deeper into my recovery I find myself watching less violent content and more emotionally pleasant movies.

I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
|| || || || || || |

#200677 - 01/22/08 05:57 AM Re: Are violent shows/movies common to all survivors? [Re: GateKPR4]
DanM Offline

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
I have a real difficult time watching 99% of the stuff that is on television. It is either too violent or depressing. I even have stopped reading the paper and watching the news as a result of this. I think deep down i realize how painful life can be, therefore I don't need to be constantly reminded of it each and every day. I have taken to watching HGTV and the Food it is amazing how my kids also like watching these shows as well.

#200721 - 01/22/08 03:40 PM Re: Are violent shows/movies common to all survivo [Re: DanM]
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon
Dan! Yeah, I think I'm with you on HGTV and Food Network... My wife started watching those channels a couple years back and I've actually got interested in some of the shows.

In answer to BH's question, yes, I think it is common for survivors to like some of the more violent shows. The question becomes whether that is because of the abuse issues in their life or whether it is a manifestation of some other condition common to mankind. My guess is that there may not be a direct correlation between the two, but then again, I'm no professional.

"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

#200730 - 01/22/08 05:06 PM Re: Are violent shows/movies common to all survivors? *DELETED* [Re: WalkingSouth]
awakening Offline

Registered: 01/01/08
Posts: 342
Post deleted by awakening

#200742 - 01/22/08 06:14 PM Re: Are violent shows/movies common to all survivors? [Re: awakening]
Trish4850 Offline
BoD Liaison Emeritus

Registered: 10/15/05
Posts: 3280
Loc: New Jersey
Hi BH,

I think what you can tolerate/enjoy on TV or in movies is so very personal. Both my b/f and I hate the blood and guts horror flicks, but enjoy a good suspensefull story any day, even if murder and mayhem are involved. We always watch Forensic Files, but pass on some of the more intense SVU episodes. I can't stand watching personal conflicts that I know are real (political shows) but if he's watching a boxing match I'll sit through it, although begrudingly.

I don't know that the violence itself is the issue. I know with my b/f, if we're watching a movie where people have to get themselves out of a bad situation, he tries to figure out how before it's shown on screen. This is an excercise for him and very triggering. He had a bad time when we watched "Vacancy" but I didn't know it until the movie was over 'cause my head was under the blanket most of the time.

ROCK ON...........Trish

If you fall down 10 times, Stand up 11.

#200807 - 01/23/08 05:00 AM Re: Are violent shows/movies common to all survivors? [Re: awakening]
Brokenhearted Offline

Registered: 08/07/06
Posts: 644
Loc: TX
Wow, thanks for all the input! I guess it could be common to some guys, as well as possibly make a survivor think, "Well, at least someone had it worse than me" when he sees a truly horrific movie. It could be kind of cathartic (sp.?) in that way.

I know that I have read some true crime in my day, but I always needed a breather after a while and needed something more upbeat and light. Needed to take a break from it now and then.

I know when I read other books, I usually migrate to ones that are interesting to me because of the author having similar views as me, or similar experiences, or someone I feel I can identify with. "We read to know we're not alone" is a quote that comes to mind here. So maybe, just maybe, sometimes my H feels less alone if he is watching something horrific happening to someone else.....or maybe the movie just expresses his anger for him so he can leave HIS stuffed way down... Or maybe he gets to revel in wishful thinking if the hurting character is getting well-deserved revenge.

All of you have given me some food for thought, so thanks.

Edited by Brokenhearted (01/23/08 05:03 AM)

It were better for him that a millstone were hanged around his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.
Luke 17:2

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