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#199481 - 01/15/08 12:29 AM Top five things you hate.
John Oarc Offline

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Hey guys,

We all know about the victim mode but for this thread list five things you do or did and hated; things you feel are a direct result of the CSA.

My list:

Not standing up for myself.
Pornography addiction.
Feeling lower than everyone else.
Worrying about what others thought of me.
The overall loss of life.

Just wanting to know what you guys think,


Whatever It Takes, God

#199485 - 01/15/08 12:50 AM Re: Top five things you hate. [Re: John Oarc]
GateKPR4 Offline

Registered: 10/29/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Being messed up and in recovery most my life
not being able to love myself for who I am
happiness never lasts
very slow progress - two steps forward one step back

I think that covers it.

I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
|| || || || || || |

#199504 - 01/15/08 03:17 AM Re: Top five things you hate. *DELETED* [Re: GateKPR4]
evanesence Offline

Registered: 12/08/07
Posts: 119
Post deleted by evanesence

#199505 - 01/15/08 03:27 AM Re: Top five things you hate. *DELETED* [Re: evanesence]
Freedom49 Offline

Registered: 12/31/07
Posts: 2724
Loc: Washington State
Post deleted by Freedom49

#199507 - 01/15/08 03:41 AM Re: Top five things you hate. [Re: Freedom49]
onlyakid Offline

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1569
Loc: New Jersey
I hate that I threw away 16 of the best years of my life away because I thought I was to blame

I hate that I don't know what to do restart my life

I hate the fact that I'm so confused about sex and my sexuality.

I hate the fact that I have to work twice as hard as everyone else (non-survivors)

I hate the fact that I'm still destroying myself by hiding behind comfort foods.

"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"

#199532 - 01/15/08 12:14 PM Re: Top five things you hate. [Re: onlyakid]
John Oarc Offline

Registered: 02/10/06
Posts: 633
Loc: Louisiana
Knowing that others have the same feelings and the same problems makes all the difference in the world. By posting your pain others have surely found help and healing, just knowing they are not alone.

Freedom49, I can relate with the pushing away, and today I am going to make sure I am not on guard, I am going to open up more than ever. Thanks for posting everyone.

Thanks guys,

Whatever It Takes, God

#199601 - 01/15/08 09:19 PM Re: Top five things you hate. [Re: John Oarc]
healthyself Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/13/08
Posts: 6
Loc: edmonton, alberta, canada
I hate how I was in denial for 18 years
I hate my depression
I hate my coping mechanism for depression(spending money)
I hate how my actions lately have hurt people that I love
I hate my brother for stealing my childhood

cake and grief counselling will be available at the end of the testing process...

#199611 - 01/15/08 10:12 PM Re: Top five things you hate. [Re: healthyself]
alphabravo Offline

Registered: 10/09/07
Posts: 56
Loc: Boston, MA
1. The feeling of being alone
2. The feeling of being a Freak
3. The constant pain of the abuse
4. The time I have lost due to the abuse
5. This will be odd, Catfish. YUCK!!!!!!

Its not how far you fall, its how you land.

#199613 - 01/15/08 10:39 PM Re: Top five things you hate. [Re: alphabravo]
Patrick Walsh Offline

Registered: 01/08/08
Posts: 22
Loc: PA
1. I hate the pit in my stomach, the ache that drugs nor alcohol, nor sex would relieve
2. I hate the wasted energy and time
3. I hate the lonliness
4. I hate the porn addiction, and the loss of my own self respect
5. I hate balancing extraordinary talents against devastingly low self esteem.

I'm a good person. I'm a good man. I'm a postive force and I will not be shamed.

#199668 - 01/16/08 05:37 AM Re: Top five things you hate. [Re: Patrick Walsh]
MagRaith Offline

Registered: 12/24/07
Posts: 69
Loc: Salt Lake City, UT
I hate that I am scared to death to post anything on this site because of my extreme distrust of people.
I hate that I nearly killed myself in extreme drug and alcohol addiction trying to deaden the pain.
I hate that I can't have sex with anyone that I care about.
I hate that I need to be liked by everyone, and yet I feel loathed by everyone.
I hate that I have to be in this website.

However, I do appreciate everyone else's remarks. Patrick, especially your comment #5 - despite my complete lack of self worth, I've accomplished amazing things and I feel guilty about it. I suppose that's a subject for another thread.

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