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#198583 - 01/08/08 11:40 AM Re: New here.... and a question at the end [Re: LittleMissL]
Olive Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/01/08
Posts: 16
Loc: New Jersey
Well that's one thing we all wish, that our partners would just open up and talk about it but it seems a pretty common thread around here that's just not gonna happen. They've been keeping this stuff a secret most their lives and a lot of times feel at least partly responsible for what happened. I wouldn't push it maybe after therapy he'll have something to say since a whole bunch of new emotions may stir up. I think it's great you guys found a therapist. My guy went to his first couple sessions alone and hasn't gone back yet but he seemed to get a lot out of it and I'm really excited that he's starting to work on his recovery. It's a long road. Also, did you ever show him this website? I kind of casually told him about this site and how there were guys who had similar experiences etc.. and put it on our "favorites". He didn't go on it so I then I found a post from a guy that was similiar to what he was experiencing and I left it up on the screen and said "you might want to look at this" and I walked away. He read it and then I saw him on MaleSurvivor a few days later talking in the chat room. Yes!!
But I don't push, and I don't bring it up, and it's often weeks or months between he might mention anything about it. We just want to fix it, now, but it just doesn't work that way. Ahhhh! It sounds like you're doing everything right though and he's lucky to have you by his side.

#198723 - 01/09/08 05:23 AM Re: New here.... and a question at the end [Re: Olive]
LittleMissL Offline
New Here

Registered: 01/05/08
Posts: 42
Thanks Olive. He has his first appointment this week with the therapist and mine is next week. I know that we are at the beginning of a long road but at least it is a start.

I did send him a link to this site and I saw that he registered so that is good. I don't know if he has posted anything yet or gone into the chat room but he did tell me that he has been here at least reading.

I am so glad that I found this site, it has already been a huge help to me. Thank you!

#199119 - 01/12/08 03:28 AM Re: New here.... and a question at the end [Re: LittleMissL]
Liv2124 Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 08/02/06
Posts: 159
Loc: New Jersey
Over the years he has referred to himself as straight, bi and gay. At any given time, his behavior will support or contradict any or all of the above. Knowing about his csa, if I made a list of issues between us by priority, his sexual identity would be pretty far down. Olive is right on all counts. It's complicated. A child cannot decide they want sex. They have no idea what sex is. And when it's used in an abusive way, some of the physical sensations that may feel good, or the physical responses to touch that the child has no control over is turned into the belief that he "wanted it". His body responded so he must have "liked it". The abuser was male, so he must "like men". It's a disturbing dynamic.

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