Welcome to Male Survivor. I'm glad you found us, and I can assure you that soon you will be able to see that lots of other guys have or have had in the past the same problems you are talking about. It can get better, my friend.
As someone who went through his own personal hell with alcohol I can tell you that drinking never helps. You're right. So long as we are seeking refuge in alcohol genuine healing will escape us. I hope you will talk more about this - there are lots of us who know exactly what you are talking about.
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me. (Woody Guthrie)