Here's a quick update, with an unusual twist;
I DID let my husband buy me that tuxedo and we went to the Mardi Gras Ball. My husband is very outgoing and gregarious, and he has brought me out of my shell in a lot of ways. I do well in large crowds, where the necessity for small talk is less (It's small gatherings that I still feel rather paranoid). My hubby knows lots of people, so I get a lot of introductions, and that helps.
Evidently, something was 'triggering' my husband too. Instead of me being the one who screws up and embarasses him, last night he got so drunk he passed out at the table, and it took me and three strong guys to pour him into the car. (Luckily, I stopped drinking when I saw him start to 'overindulge'...) When we got home, I couldn't wake him up and he spent most of the night asleep in the back seat of the car.
If that's not 'acting out' I don't know what is. I guess being the 'good son' was stressful for him as well. I knew there had to be a reason why he was being such a jerk...
Thanks to you all for your thoughtful replies. I'm feeling much better now.
"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche