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#198239 - 01/06/08 07:00 PM Re: What is a Trigger? [Re: Danbuff]
Lazarus Offline

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA
Here's a quick update, with an unusual twist;

I DID let my husband buy me that tuxedo and we went to the Mardi Gras Ball. My husband is very outgoing and gregarious, and he has brought me out of my shell in a lot of ways. I do well in large crowds, where the necessity for small talk is less (It's small gatherings that I still feel rather paranoid). My hubby knows lots of people, so I get a lot of introductions, and that helps.

Evidently, something was 'triggering' my husband too. Instead of me being the one who screws up and embarasses him, last night he got so drunk he passed out at the table, and it took me and three strong guys to pour him into the car. (Luckily, I stopped drinking when I saw him start to 'overindulge'...) When we got home, I couldn't wake him up and he spent most of the night asleep in the back seat of the car.

If that's not 'acting out' I don't know what is. I guess being the 'good son' was stressful for him as well. I knew there had to be a reason why he was being such a jerk...

Thanks to you all for your thoughtful replies. I'm feeling much better now.


"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

#198379 - 01/07/08 01:57 PM Re: What is a Trigger? [Re: Lazarus]
cbfull Offline

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
Laz, before I got to this latest post, I was going to suggest that there might be more going on behind the scenes than you are aware of. The way you describe the sort of competitiveness in his family sounds like a cover-up for something.

Not that you should pick at it, but I would say that there are enough signs of "disfunction" in his family to let yourself off the hook.

One thing that helps keep my hubby sensitive to my situation is the fact that his own mother was purportedly sexually abused. I say purportedly because I think she may have confirmed this at one time, but it's a sensitive issue and it almost never gets discussed. She is going through something very personal right now and his family is pretty much turned upside down. I feel really bad for his dad because he thinks it's his fault.

This abuse crap is just too real. The sooner we can all stop it the better.


Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

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