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#197688 - 01/02/08 09:39 PM Disconnected ramblings
MarkK Offline

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2652
Loc: Denver, CO
It's not as if I want to quit
I just have a history of never finishing anything
Almost as if I don't deserve the accolades
And so I sabotage myself

Yet, even knowing this much
I am unable to change the patterns in my life
My T always reminds me this kind of change is never easy and rarely quick
And if I examine my life, I can see how I'm not the person I was when I started all this

But I'm sure not who I would like to be
Not that I even know who that person is

I'm tired of failing
Of never finishing

Not strong enough to do this alone
And not trusting enough to allow anyone to help

- - - again, self sabotage

Am I depressed because I'm so tired
or am I so exhausted because I'm depressed?

... which came first, the chicken or the egg ...

Not that it matters

#197696 - 01/02/08 10:36 PM Re: Disconnected ramblings [Re: MarkK]
mogigo Offline

Registered: 04/24/07
Posts: 1331
Loc: Colorado
Hey Mark, I've had 40+ jobs in my life and this healing thing is the longest I've ever stuck with anything in my life.

It just seems too important to quit this one \:\)



#197757 - 01/03/08 12:46 PM Re: Disconnected ramblings [Re: mogigo]
MarkK Offline

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2652
Loc: Denver, CO
... and I'll stay in a dead-end, non-fulfilling job rather than take the chance of stepping out to find something better.

As for "this healing thing" - I'm hoping it stays important with me. I've already hit that subject with my T - the desire to just quit (again) was VERY strong before Christmas.

Thanx for your feedback, Mike.



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