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#44346 - 06/05/01 03:40 PM confronting my abuser, with support?

Hi all

I have been thinking today about the possibility of meeting my abuser, say in a controlled environment, with police, priest, counsellor, or the like. Does anyone have any experience of doing this, or has anyone else considered this?

I know that for some people this would probably be unthinkable, but I am trying to consider ALL options, positive and negative. This guy is still in my home town, and I cannot avoid seeing him sometimes.


#44347 - 06/05/01 10:19 PM Re: confronting my abuser, with support?
SoCalJohn Offline

Registered: 05/18/01
Posts: 510
Loc: Los Angeles, California

Just get clear on what you would like to accomplish at the meeting, and dont be suprised if he is not willing to meet.

Its such a personal thing, no one but your own heart can guide you on this one, gather the advice and opinions, let it settle into your heart, come up with your own plan, waht your comfortable with and follow your heart on this one my friend.

I wish you the best,


I asked him about this law he spoke of, he said,,, *watch* he then asked the others to share about their lives,,, the others talked of how things were for them, how things worked in their lives,,, and as they believed, it was so.

#44348 - 06/05/01 11:12 PM Re: confronting my abuser, with support?

sorry i cant help, but have you thought of sending him a letter? if i confronted my attacker i would probably go to jail. so i would have to have the police present.the statute of limitations has run out on me. how about you?

#195988 - 12/20/07 03:12 AM Re: confronting my abuser, with support? [Re: Anonymous]
bmac Offline
New Here

Registered: 09/28/07
Posts: 27
Loc: Atlantic Canada
why can't I seem to have the opportunity to break down, I want to break down, but seems I always put others ahead of me, is there a time were you just need to take for you and break down, and will someone be there to catch you, so difficult for me because no one has ever been there before and now that trust is hard to open up to, especially when you feel like you need to be there for them's hard.......I want to trust, I want to break down, I want to stop thinking all my bad thoughts for just a can i stop my thoughts from remembering such horrible past......? any suggestions? Please

#195995 - 12/20/07 05:31 AM Re: confronting my abuser, with support? [Re: bmac]
James_dup1 Offline

Registered: 04/13/02
Posts: 1332
Loc: Wyoming

The choice to do what you are is very hard one. Ken Singer, a LCSW with over 30 years in treating survivor's has writen some adivce for us. I would invite you too look at this link

It might help. Either way best of luck and remember we are here to offer you support no matter the option you pick.


I have more issues than Rolling Stone!

#196233 - 12/22/07 01:31 PM Re: confronting my abuser, with support? [Re: James_dup1]
GateKPR4 Offline

Registered: 10/29/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
I just talked to my T about this. My perp is in jail until 2011 by this time he will be like in his 70s. I was entertaining the thought of going to the prison to confront him. The question most important is what do I hope to accomplish by doing this?
Well I had no good answer. The man is sick and would only get enjoyment out of knowing what he did controlled my life for 25 years.
Why should I put myself through the emotional wringer just to tell someone how much they hurt me when they really don't give a rats ass that they did. Its no win situation and its not that important. I have found peace in my life, why complicate it.
It's different for all of us. I wish you well in whatever choice you make.

I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
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