Newest Members
Bilbo408, JHJ, NowICanSee, rdc445, batman72
13229 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
12to17 (60), Aaron7712 (50), Defiance Is Best (48), Interpreter (32), Kenn (57), RichardPaulPoill (70), soul (36), Tyler845 (29)
Who's Online
1 registered (1 invisible), 29 Guests and 7 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
13,229 Registered Members
75 Forums
68,567 Topics
477,123 Posts

Most users ever online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Topic Options
#195822 - 12/18/07 03:24 PM Fix It (Strong Triggers)
kellygtx Offline

Registered: 07/11/07
Posts: 412
Loc: Texas, USA
So tired of hurting
so tired of trying not to hurt and feeling guilty when I do
and, then, not trusting how I feel
not having any right to feel the way I feel

I feel like shit, okay?
is that okay with you?
at least it's honest
at least I didn't say that everything's okay
- and smile – “…that’s fine with me.”
hell, I don’t even know who “me” is!

I do that quite a bit, when I feel like shit
it's what they need
but, I still feel like shit, I'm just smiling now

Shoot me another pill, will you?
I'm obviously a quart low on something!
the mix is off
long live the mix
I don't feel, I brew

“…add another this or that.”
“that'll fix it!”
“…you have Dysthymia!”
- and that was worth $160 hour?

Couldn't be my brother stuck his dick up my ass
a night or two
- or two hundred
it just doesn’t fucking matter
take twenty-two of these and call me
- in about a month or two

Admit that it felt good -
or does now -
hell, I might as well cut my myself!
well, to be honest
I tried that too

I'm down
I'll get over it
I always do
but, oh, this hurts, you know!
like a dark wind came along
carrying a noxious cloud
- it sucked everything out of me that mattered

Edited by kellygtx (12/18/07 03:57 PM)
I bid you Peace.


The time is always NOW. Breath In. Breath Out. Move On.

#195898 - 12/19/07 05:46 AM Re: Fix It (Strong Triggers) [Re: kellygtx]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

Originally Posted By: kellygtx
So tired of hurting
so tired of trying not to hurt and feeling guilty when I do
and, then, not trusting how I feel
not having any right to feel the way I feel

In my experience at least, learning to give myself the right to feel again was crucial. I had to accept my feelings, in the sense of accepting that I really did have these feelings. But then I had to examine them, not trust them. So many of our feelings, especially about ourselves, are false lessons we learned in abuse.

But so far as claiming a right to your feelings is concerned, isn't that what you are doing when you write your poems? In fact, I think that's why guys so often choose to write poems here: it helps them claim their feelings when other ways seem too dangerous and painful.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)


Moderator:  ModTeam 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.