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#260405 - 11/07/08 02:37 PM Re: Twin Cities Minnesota USA men's support group [Re: Trucker51]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Mic doesn't know of a group, I asked him a while back.

And SAA isn't my thing, and I already have a 12 step group, which isn't like this group anyway. So I don't know about any SAA groups but I hear this is out there.

This is open topic, talk about what you want to, and you can talk to each other, we allow "crosstalk".

Thanks for the ideas. I don't mean to be "short" here--just in a hurry now.



Edited by LandOfShadow (11/07/08 05:46 PM)
_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#287920 - 05/18/09 03:15 PM Re: Twin Cities Minnesota USA men's support group [Re: LandOfShadow]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Just want to bump this up, and say this group is going well but could use a few new members. It's about 5 loyal members who've met for about 8 months.

PM if you'd like to hear more.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#319201 - 01/17/10 11:04 PM Re: Twin Cities Minnesota USA men's support group [Re: LandOfShadow]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Just a reminder about the Survivor Support group that meets Thursdays, 7-9pm at the Men's Center, 33rd & Hennepin Av S in Minneapolis.

PM me if you have any questions.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#322629 - 02/19/10 04:36 PM Re: Twin Cities Minnesota USA men's support group [Re: LandOfShadow]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1631
Loc: Minnesota
Hey Land of Shadow-thanks for the reminder:

I've been going the past several weeks, but need to take some time off and take this process slowly.

Glad you are here.

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

�It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#364126 - 06/14/11 02:11 AM Re: Twin Cities Minnesota USA men's support group [Re: Mountainous Buck]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
An update:

The Twin Cities Men's sexual assault and abuse support group has moved and is now meeting at the Neighborhood Involvement Program: Rape and Sexual Assault Center at 2431 Hennepin Ave. S., Minneapolis, MN 55405 from 6:30 to 8:30pm Thursday nights.

This is open to all male survivors, gay, bi, trans and straight. PM me with questions and details.

This group has been meeting every week for almost 3 years now.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#407410 - 08/21/12 04:03 PM Re: Twin Cities Minnesota USA men's support group [Re: LandOfShadow]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
I'm just updating and "bumping" this to the recent posts since there was interesting in Minneapolis area survivors and groups.

I'm a contact person for this group which you can follow-up on via the brochure here. I like to talk to members before they attend.

We're up to four years of weekly meetings with generally 4 to 12 members, usually more in the middle of that range.

All men with unwanted sexual experiences in the past, either as children or adults or both are welcome. Gay, straight, trans, unsure, are welcome. No fee, intake or attendance requirements. We ask that only men who have not abused others sexually (i.e. abused children themselves) as adults attend.

I know of nothing else specifically for male survivors like this in the Twin Cities and would very much like to know of anything else that exists.
_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#417518 - 11/28/12 03:45 PM Re: Twin Cities Minnesota USA men's support group [Re: LandOfShadow]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA

I’m disappointed to add here I am no longer associated with this group and cannot recommend it.

It’s no longer the healing environment I’ve tried to create, where men can talk about their victimization without interpretations or judgements other than exploring their own, with the perspectives of other men with similar experiences. Many have said how enormously helpful that is.

I don’t believe (convicted or not) sex offenders belong in a group of non-offending male survivors, but on this, I am overruled by the professionals at NIP. This was my policy: no adult (over 18) perpetrators (regardless if he was “caught” and based on his own statement as such).

Repeatedly I’ve heard staff say things stating or implying all male survivors are perpetrators. That simply isn’t a scientific viewpoint, and it’s the worst of the external judgements on survivor experiences that keeps us “stuck”. We all need to be responsible for and examine our behavior, and sexuality is hard to “live” without mistakes, misunderstandings or flaws, especially given the confusing messages of abusive, forced or coerced experiences. It is gets impossible with the stigmas associated with people who have crossed the legal lines, and quite unfair to assume so when there is no evidence you have.

I'd consider reviving this group elsewhere if there was 1 or 2 men to jointly facilitate it. Message me.
_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#510059 - 05/05/17 03:40 PM Re: Twin Cities Minnesota USA men's support group [Re: LandOfShadow]
Ceremony Offline
Greeter

Registered: 09/15/16
Posts: 1918
Loc: Minnesota
Finding this dismays me. I have participated in the Men's Center Group and won't go again until it's all male, focused on structured sharing and gives the development of one's voice a more encouraging flow. I felt stifled, reduced to hearing long, drawn out, and repetitive messages that were promoting one particular type of metaphysical ideology. I don't do that, it's not my game. I will listen for an hour to a painful memory, a need to endeavor into revelations of trauma and hope for therapies that might provide healing, but to sit within a context of single minded, far margins ideology, No.

So, I want a free, Twin Cities male survivor group.
_________________________
Finding ways to cope with my mind!

https://youtu.be/6nQc1ADbWLA
This is the story of my rape, posted on MS:
http://www.discussion.malesurvivor.org/b...1680#Post501680

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#510065 - 05/05/17 05:52 PM Re: Twin Cities Minnesota USA men's support group [Re: Ceremony]
physicsfriend Offline


Registered: 04/22/17
Posts: 76
Loc: Midwestern US
Ceremony, can you (without violating the confidentiality of a support group) explain further what your criticism of the Men's Center Group is? I have never gone, but I've toyed with the idea of looking for a support group and I'd like to know what to expect from this place if I chose to go.

The Aurora Center at the U of M is starting up a Male-identified support group in June, but I think it's for students only. http://aurora.umn.edu/get-help/support-groups for anyone interested. I might consider going, maybe...

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#510068 - 05/05/17 07:52 PM Re: Twin Cities Minnesota USA men's support group [Re: physicsfriend]
Ceremony Offline
Greeter

Registered: 09/15/16
Posts: 1918
Loc: Minnesota
Hello physicsfriend, and yes, I can oblige without disclosure. Add that I've been peripherally aware of the U of M affiliated services. I've not gone to the U since early '85 so, that's that.

I wish it was open to the general public, but am aware, not paying fees, it's hardly fair to allow me in.

As for the Men's Center off Henn. Ave. So in Mpls, well I qualify it that I'm sure you'll take whatever and leave the rest. My experience has to be considered from the standpoint of how I think my processing is not all there, and that my emotional maturity feels very stunted. That said, and as objectively as I can muster, the group there is friendly enough, cordial in atmosphere and plenty of seating in a large enough room. It's an old building, in their basement, and always has been that I'm aware. My first time was a Men's Only Support Group sometime around 2002 or so? I had gotten sober and my home situation was as toxic then, as I complain now.

I felt comfortable going, I knew the building, and I had already had 10 sessions, 1 0n 1 with an advocate at the Sexual Violence Center in Mpls. It's free and I strongly recommend it if like me, this is new. I had a ton of questions and crying to do. The validation was incredible and I felt somewhat human again. Then too, the SVC of Mpls offers intermittent Men's Groups, call for the schedule and they call you back to interview that you're ready for such an adventure. It was really satisfying for me, I felt connected and had a lot of discovery. Hearing others discuss their situation and past, really helped. We got really honest and one of the first discoveries was truly letting go that any of it was our/my fault. That started healing.

So, with that under my belt, I had prior bias to skew my perception. I went into the Men's Center group aware of diversity and foreknowledge it was a mixed sex group. I thoroughly read the web page for the group. I called the facilitator too, he knew to expect me that first night. I felt comfortable, I'm relatively comfortable in most situations like that, I've gone to groups since I was 15, and very regularly starting in 2000. I've 17 years sobriety and have leaned heavily on sharing at an AA meeting/s. I have made it my mission at my later age of life, that I will not be silent any more. I'm not.

So, I introduced myself and gave some of my story. That first night, almost everyone of about 6 gave their intro and part of their story too. Ok, good start. Now, the next 5 or so, I learn some of the dynamic. Talking is dominated by two, and one is male, one is female. That's Ok if it's fully related to the situation of healing, and that's very broad, so I'm wide open. But, then there can be things that seem related, but aren't. Like a lot of cross talk, to use a method of sensorimotor calming (which I only understood to be that this past Monday) that one is encouraging another to tap, tap, tap. That happens a lot, and well, Ok, that's needed, Ok. But it goes on and on with small interruptions, asides, and anecdotes that in my opinion, of a lot of experience, diminish the impact of how the initial sharing person is making headway into their share. I don't approve of constant interruption. That's part of this dynamic.

Another part of it is to express some personal insights, that in my opinion could be unusual to someone new to healing, and it's my observation that sharing whatever that may be, as hard a topic as it might be, it's not observed of trigger reactions. Now, that's another broadly described word, and it's difficult to describe what trigger I mean, but it would be like, I'm saying I'm raped, and then someone blurts out, and we have to wonder why that person is a rapist. Well, No the F we don't, F them, the perpetrating mutha F'er can die and go to hell. See, I don't think it's healing to have that kind of cross talk, blurted out. I am close with that description. It only happened once, but let me ask, if that happened once, would it mess with you? And too, as a very emotionally immature person that I am, and I don't often have the courage to assert my desire for being made safe, I don't think it's all on me to speak out. There has to be an awareness that sharing must have some tact. I think that's one of the problems.

Perhaps this last is nitpicking? I don't go for highly unlikely helpful theories/hypothesis of healing therapy. I do vet them, I read about the research and so forth. There is a promotion within the group, by some, not all, that there is a lot of efficacy to look at what they're espousing. I disagree. So, one evening, I didn't get to share, 3 monopolized, not very effectively in my experiences, and led to the meeting close. I had a short time to blurt out that I had come that night in a particularly difficult time, before Christmas and I am having a very hard time. My wife very much a part of my worry. So, blurting out a bit at the end, on man looking at me, sort of knowingly, and then I'm ignored. Totally ignored. So, yeah, I just don't have a good way of handling that group.

I want you to consider PM'ing me about the start of any Twin Cities Group you want to start, and/or if you find one that accepts the general public for free. I would be overwhelmed if a group were found.

Thank you.

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