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#195122 - 12/13/07 11:15 PM shame
thecoopstah Offline

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
Iv'e had to put up with shame all my life and now im in a fuckin relationship that almost reached(although it's still early and anything can happen) the breaking point and i'm always the one who seems to shut down as a result of my fiancee who has her own issues.

The northeast is being clobbered by heavy snow ,we're in the car for over 2 1/2 hours and i got to the point of no patience and frustrated i decided to roll down my window ever abruptly and told someone to pull up and blah blah fiancee looks over at me and says "you have a fuckin nerve" i'm telling you i wanted to spit right in her fuckin face but i kept my mouth shut.

She seems to think she didn't shame me i believe otherwise and she's not going to say whatever she likes,i've been shamed all my life and i told her i will not put up with it from you.

I am ready to throw in the towel(end the so called relationship) and call it a day i am tired of her saying the things she does and,according to her,then keep my mouth shut as though i have no right to say or think what i want.

Who knows why she has the ability(although it's a friggin copout)to say she's just fine when i know she's not but i could have easily told her to screw.

Anyway whatever.


" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

#195123 - 12/13/07 11:21 PM Re: shame [Re: thecoopstah]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1

The midst of a frustrating experience like this NE storm is no time to be making a decision like this. (but I understand what you are going through)

#195195 - 12/14/07 12:38 PM Re: shame [Re: Still]
indygal Offline

Registered: 06/22/06
Posts: 439

hon -you GOT to communicate - sit down and have a talk with her, calmly - with a T if you have to - she's your FIANCEE for goodness' sake - don't throw it all away - if you can't speak to her there's something wrong - out of kilter, you both need to be able to speak openly to each other or yes, your future together is questionable, to say the least.

i know i'm not the only one here always pulling for you guys, especially the ones of you who take time to post over here on FNF and respond to our numerous questions and tears and pleas -

you can do it, coop - hang in there hon! ok?

all the best,

my avatar is one of the Battle Angel characters, fighting the good fight.

#195203 - 12/14/07 03:08 PM Re: shame [Re: indygal]
sweet-n-sour Offline

Registered: 10/03/06
Posts: 409
Loc: chicago
Dear Coop:

I hope you'll forgive me for telling you exactly the way I see it... When you are in a relationship with someone it is no longer just about you. Everything you do or say has an effect on one another. This goes for her as well.
To be honest, anyone that raises their voices, throws things in anger or frustration, triggers the hell out of me. My father did this and he was an abusive ass hole...this was his way of imposing power and control over us. This is and has always been an issue with me and my husband from the get-go of our relationship.
I believe communication is the key to this whole thing...boundaries. Are you and your fiancee presently in couples therapy? Therapy has helped my husband and I get through some of these tough issues surrounding his anger.
Some of the things I had to admit truly hurt him beyond imagining. My intention was not to hurt his feelings but to clear the air so that we could live in a more compatable way with a more positive future ahead of us. I wish for the same for you and your fiancee as well. Life is way too short than to be dancing around such issues. I always say, look them (the issues) in the eye, introduce yourself then move forward!
Best wishes,

Edited by sweet-n-sour (12/14/07 03:09 PM)
"As long as he continues to try, I will meet him in that determination and commitment."

cm 2007


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