well sinse discussing everything with my male friend, in general I have felt better than I've been for the passed few weeks, however I'm now open to thinking about things that I thought were over and done with, and being bothered by them. I really want to fix these things, but having them come up has had me feeling pretty awful occasionally. I've had some great moments too, but also some not so great ones, and I ate to admit that some of them are things I can't deal with.

And yet just writing that now, I'm feeling like an absolute fool, ---- even for being here. I've got more work on my thesis done in the passed week (ever sinse I spoke to my friend), than for the passed month, my tutor is saying I'm coming up with really fantastic stuff, I've been invited to two separate christmas do's this week, ---- what the heck am I feeling so bothered about! shouldn't I be able to deal with this stuff, ----- after all it was ten years ago, and sinse then I've done a lot of things. I've been alternating feeling my usual relaxed fairly cheerful self, and feeling bloody awl. I've also been alternating running around getting loads of useful stuff done, and curling up in a ball feeling shattered, (I've also been feeling really exausted).

why am I in such a state now! Any advice would be really great here.