Hey, sorry I do know what you're saying. I wasn't really suggesting it as an alternative just as a release. I found the note as a release for my anger that actually took away my explosiveness when I did confront my Father. It just gave an outlet for the blast that would have happened if I just went straight to him with it. When I did have that first exchange with my Father it was by e-mail, not sure if this is an option for you but when I did finally talk to him in person all the big stuff that I needed to say was already out there and we could concentrate on the healing that needed to be done instead of what I just needed to get out. I spent hours writing that e-mail and what I said would have taken 5 minutes in a conversation. It gave me a chance to really think about all the stuff I needed to say.
My relationship with my Dad is strained at this point because I don't think he ever really heard alot of what I was saying, but I know he wouldn't have taken anything in if I had of exploded on him. My Dad is definately a disaster when it comes to having a relationship with the kind of person I am but he's trying in his own sad little way. I know some of it is registering. I needed to drop my expectations about a mile, but at least the dialog is out there.
Again Lynch, not at all what I wanted, expected or needed. But better than what we had.
Stay strong buddy