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#193657 - 12/04/07 12:39 AM Re: My Last Post [Re: lostcowboy]
onlyakid Offline

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1577
Loc: New Jersey
I know you are just beginning to open up and talk about your abuse. I know that Ken's PM hurt you but it was sent to you by mistake and he is just being cautious because of recent cases of fraud that happened here. He's just looking out for all our interests. Ken never intended to hurt you that I'm sure of because I am a former patient of his and he is a good man. I only stopped seeing him because he is an hour and 15 minutes away and I was just not able to work out my schedule and getting time off of work every week.

Don't leave, give us another chance to earn your trust.

"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"

#193662 - 12/04/07 12:59 AM Re: My Last Post [Re: JasonSmalls]
JasonSmalls Offline

Registered: 12/01/07
Posts: 142
Loc: NJ
I wanna stay here, I really do, because in just a few days I felt comfortable with a lot of people here. But i feel like this is the reason i don't tell people my story because they won't believe me or they will just hate me for it. i'm not as dumb as u all think i am, just cause i dont really know alot about what to do here. I mean, I came here cause I wanted help and I wanted to be able to talk to someone and not be so afraid because it just feels more anonymous and i don't have to worry about the way people look at me after hearing some of my story.
It just gets me mad that because i said "i stayed with a police woman after a teacher found out what happend to me" all of a sudden i'm a liar and a fraud????? I told about other stuff in my story that i'd never tell anyone except for my shrink and my grandparents. And now i can't even tell my grandpa about all this cause he wasn't so acceptin of me even coming on this site. i had to practiclly beg him and if i tell him whats happend than i know for sure he wont let me come here.
its not right. i'm drying alot today and its not my fault. i told the truth. I TOLD THE TRUTH!!!!!!!!!! and now i'm bein judged by people who dont even know me and by people who said they cared when it seems they really dont. ya know my grandpa always tells me that if a therapist or a counselor or my shrink or whoever doesnt believe me than he wants me to walk away from them cause they're not worth knowin me. i dunno what i should do. part of me wants to stay and then another part of me feels betrayed and i dont want to be here. i dunno what to do.

#193664 - 12/04/07 01:18 AM Re: My Last Post [Re: JasonSmalls]
BJK Offline

Registered: 08/02/07
Posts: 1526

First of all, I believe you.

Second of all, please hear me out.

This website is a place full of people who have been lied to and manipulated, just like you have been. As a result, many of use are extremely sensitive to being lied to. On the same token, we are also sensitive to not being believed.

You are not alone in any of the fears you have expressed.

The best thing to do is to trust a little bit at a time. You don't need to tell your whole story all at once. Come out with a little bit at a time as you gain the trust of others here.

It sounds to me like you've been deeply hurt. I can only be apologetic for that. I will say this, though. I come from a fairly rural area, and my family has roots in areas even more rural. In a small town of 800 people, I don't think it would be unusual for a CSA survivor to stay with a police officer temporarily after such abuse is disclosed.

These are just my two cents. It is unfortunate that this had to occur, as it's probably going to be very difficult for you to trust Ken Singer after accidentally receiving his PM. Rest assured, though, that there is a group of people on this site who do have issues quite similar to the ones you have discussed in your posts. It took a tremendous amount of courage for you to disclose such, and now it is going to take a tremendous amount more courage to reach out again in regards to those issues. Please know you are not alone. I've been through hell over the past five monts trying to heal from those same issues. Believe it or not, it can get better. Unfortunately, it might get worse before that happens.

You're not in a good place right now, and for that I am very sorry. Please, take care of yourself.


Revenge is nothing more than another way of perpetuating abuse.

What the world needs now
Is some new words of wisdom
Like la la la la la la la la la.
-David Lowery

Having a friend who will keep a secret for you is worthless compared to a friend who won't keep a secret from you.

#193665 - 12/04/07 01:26 AM Re: My Last Post [Re: MarkK]

Registered: 02/13/04
Posts: 983
Jason just because You find one bad penny doesn't meen that you throw away the whole role . I know that what happened in Your life, some people may find hard to believe . But You know what happend. So if some one says that they do not believe what you say . FUCK WHAT THEY THINK. they were not there . You were



"All I can do is be me, whoever that is"

#193667 - 12/04/07 01:37 AM Re: My Last Post [Re: OKIE MIKE]
sabata Offline

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1950

#193676 - 12/04/07 02:36 AM Re: My Last Post [Re: sabata]
Lazarus Offline

Registered: 07/01/07
Posts: 851
Loc: Below the radar, USA

I'm incredibly sorry about all of this. Listen to the guys above; the Moderators are over-sensitive right now, and you should NOT have been told that some parts of your story were under suspicion unless, and until, some proof was discovered - either way. But that doesn't mean that all new users shouldn't be scrutinized. We've all been fooled before, and it hurt a lot of people. The Moderators have a duty to the rest of us to try to NOT let that happen again.

I believed you, and unless I have some proof otherwise, I will continue to believe you. I would like to have the opportunity to listen to you, and hopefully offer helpful suggestions.

Ken's accidentaly sending you an internal communication intended for another Moderator was a terrible mistake. His efforts trying to ascertain the validity of your story, however, is his job. I hope you can understand that and give him, and MaleSurvivor, the benefit of the doubt. I hope you'll stay and continue to talk about your issues.


"That which does not kill us, surely makes us stonger." - Neitsche

#193682 - 12/04/07 03:47 AM Re: My Last Post [Re: Lazarus]
Jarrad Offline

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
mods are human.

#193709 - 12/04/07 09:55 AM Re: My Last Post [Re: Jarrad]
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA

I'm sure Ken would have responded himself by now, but I'm sure he doesn't even know this problem has come up. He's on vacation and away from home right now, and he doesn't check in on the site as regularly as he otherwise would. We don't have contact details for him.

Please try to understand that Male Survivor is as safe as it is specifically because the administration and mod teams put the first emphasis on safety. We don't "hunt" people, but we do watch out for anything that might suggest that something is wrong. In more than 95% of the cases our vigilance turns up a big fat zero and everything is okay - and that's what we want to discover.

But we still have to be on the lookout all the time, and the reason for that is that guys here talk about very personal and private things, like you have been doing over the past few days. Imagine how you would feel if you had been talking here to another survivor for months, trusting that guy and talking about very personal feelings, and then you discovered this person was a fraud, and was actually a middle-aged woman with a boring job as a clerk in a bank somewhere? That's the situation we are up against.

I'm not trying to minimize how you feel at what happened, but I hope this context helps to clarify the situation.

Much love,

Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

#193823 - 12/05/07 01:52 AM Re: My Last Post [Re: MarkK]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5781
Loc: Lyons, CO USA
All concerned:
I received the message from Roadrunner in a PM. I assumed it was between me and him. Apparently, for whatever reason, Jason was connected to the response. I apologize to Jason for the miscommunication. It should not have gone to him but only to me.

As Larry said, we have had a number of bogus posters here in the past few months/years. I've been a mod on this site for 7 years, longer than any mod and I've never had a pm that went beyond the parties involved in the post. So, I'm sorry this one got away.

What I intended to do was to pm with Jason to find out more about his situation. Those of you who know me and my position on things is a) this site is important to a large number of survivors and their loved ones. As such, we need to be vigilant that their trust never be compromised and as mods, we need to be careful for frauds and people bent on mischief. b) We may have to be skeptical of things that seem questionable and suspicious. In that regard, sometimes we have to be a little bit more careful and question people and their statements to protect the integrity of this website. Therefore, in that process, we might make a mistake and hurt or insult someone who is genuine. In that regard, I apologize to Jason if I've offended you. However, the integrity of this site is more important than the feelings of any one person if he is coming across as suspicious.

c) To Jason: If I've insulted you with my suspicions noted in the supposedly private message to Larry, I'm sorry but I hope you understand that my duties to the members of the MS website are very important and I have to protect the integrity of this site over the possible suspicions of a single member. I hope you can see that and understand that I did not call you a fraud but only pointed out two issues which I had a question about, particularly based on my professional experience in NJ as a therapist and someone very familiar with child protective services (DYFS) and law enforcement in this state. If you are willing to discuss this with me, I will go above and beyond anything to validate your situation.

Please remember that as a mod, former president of this organization, and supervisor of this website, I have had and still have the responsibility to maintain honest and open communication between members in the face of periodic fraud and malicious attempts to manipulate those whose trust has been breeched in the past.

Discuss this with me and I will be happy to support you and welcome you to this site. However, if you are not genuine, you have no business here, particularly if you bring people to be sympathic and supportive of you without real cause. I hope you are here for the right reasons and am here to be a support for you.

Ken Singer

Blissfully retired after 35 years treating sexual abuse

#194948 - 12/12/07 01:45 PM Re: My Last Post [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
LandOfShadow Offline

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA

I just joined here yesterday. I hope you don't leave, because I was so moved by the few posts of yours I've had a chance to read so far. I really hope you give this some time to hopefully work itself out.

I BELIEVE YOU. It's so important to tell people about this stuff. I'm trying to talk about my abusive past too. We have lots in common. You're not alone here. I've had all kinds of powerful fantascies like the space ship, including being in a space ship. There's lots I could say about that.

In any case, I wish you well in your healing.

Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you

Paul Eluard

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