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#191193 - 11/12/07 11:03 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: onlyakid]
Gerald2007 Offline

Registered: 08/03/07
Posts: 157
Loc: Southeastern US
Originally Posted By: jtt5254

So what things do you have trouble with at work?

I just went back and re-read the original post. The above quote was the main question.

I can identify with losing the stapler and staring at the computer screen. Some days at work are better than others. Hope your day goes well.


Edited by gcp2007 (11/12/07 11:04 PM)
Alumnus: Weekend of Recovery - Dahlonega, May 2008 and May 2009
We are bound together by the pain of the past and our hopes for the future.

#191194 - 11/12/07 11:05 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: FormerTexan]
Jarrad Offline

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
i am not okay with my boss making excuses for my coworkers lack of focus, unability to see projects through, and his pissy attitude. my boss should not make excuses. part of the reason is that i have been working my butt off to keep my baggage out of the work place. and no its not easy. its fucking hard. so to hear my boss say that "we need to cut him some slack" pisses me off. thats all \:\)

#191197 - 11/13/07 12:02 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: FormerTexan]
GateKPR4 Offline

Registered: 10/29/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
Lost one job because of my alcohol abuse that was CSA related.
Been at my current job 5 years, and most of the time I am pretty good about getting it done. I have passed up the offer of supervisor twice because I don't want the added pressure, at least thats what I say "I might want to look deeper into the real reasons". Over the last three years I have been diagnosed with B-Polar disorder, General anxiety disorder, and Treatment resistant depression. The medications had disastrous effects on my ability to do my job. Then I spent two weeks in an institution "attempted suicide, and a month off work after I got out. So I have missed a lot of work.

A few weeks ago after finally breaking ground on the CSA with my therapist I have been on a roller coaster of emotions. Fortunately for me I had some sick time and was able to take last week off. This happened because I had a total meltdown at work after reading a personal email that morning. My current supervisor now knows about the CSA and is very supporting. My workplace has been very understanding and most think I am still Bi-Polar and I think I'll keep it that way.
I have a hard time keeping focus much of the time especially when things are slow or I'm depressed. I need clear direction or I get confused on just what I am supposed to be doing.
Still have problems socializing with people "making small talk", unless its work related. Hate using the phone. I have been asked to go out with some people after work but never went. Work Holiday parties "social thing"are still rough. Sometimes I to go in the network server room "its private and locked" and just take a few deep breaths to get my focus back. I get really uncomfortable around coworkers esp. men when they talk about sex.
Sorry this was so long but I never thought about this topic before. I am learning so much about CSA and myself from this site. Thank you all

I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
|| || || || || || |

#191198 - 11/13/07 12:03 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: Jarrad]
FormerTexan Offline

Registered: 09/12/04
Posts: 12162
Loc: Denver, CO
"So what things do you have trouble with at work?"

Depending on recent emotional bouts, some days it is difficult to concentrate when strong emotions buried for 30+ years are making themselves known. I found that writing about them the previous night helps to settle things back down, since it is a form of self-validation.


That additional information helps paint a clearer picture. I would be angry too.

Money talks, but all it tells me is goodbye.

If I could meet myself as a boy...

#191201 - 11/13/07 12:27 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: FormerTexan]
thecoopstah Offline

Registered: 07/19/04
Posts: 589
Loc: massachusetts
Unfortunately i don't work but i can tell you when i did,long before all the csa surfaced i had major issues with authority figures,i played the victim,i was constantly acting out,i went on drinking binges and bang out sick....the list goes on at infinitum.

Being on social security as a result of CSA i no longer am able to work because i have meltdowns to the point of wanting and feeling like i want to sanp.

anyway thats just me but i know i'll be ok..........


" You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have "

#191218 - 11/13/07 01:58 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: FormerTexan]
dgoods Offline

Registered: 10/15/07
Posts: 622
Loc: Richmond area
Hmmm i've been on both sides of this one, right now i seem to be closer to what seven's talking about, but my past employers loved me to death, i know the feeling of being pissed off at your supervisor/co-workers, many times it seemed like i was the only one who realized that sooner or later treating a company like a candy store or playground results in no more company, or eventual implementation of draconian policies. I was the guy that would take care of crap that other people should have, even knowing you're being a doormat doesn't matter if something's got to get done and you're the only one to do it. One thing about workplace resentment is that it can fuel you to learn more and work harder just for the sake of shaming people into either getting lost or doing their share. as a supervisor i never asked anyone to do something i wasn't willing to do myself, and i always made sure someone understood a responsibilty before setting them to it. The only people that hated me at any job were leeches who were interested only in anything that let them f--- off as much as possible. Being never the happiest camper in life, i could tell quickly who was actually dealing w/ crap that made work seem trivial, and who was just plain lazy, and i was relentless w/ those people, they create a culture where new guys come in and start thinking it's all about "working the system". I hate bullies, i hate "sweatshops", i can't count how many times i almost just dropped what i was doing and walked off due to being so disgusted. Having said all that, there's also the fact that i can very much identify w/ David, jtt, seven and others who have trouble coping. I forget stuff, i'm usually a hell of a lot more nervous than i let on, and i've always struggled very much w/ biting my tongue when a boss is an a--hole, me and inauthentic authority figures have never been a good match... ;\) FormerTexan makes a good point.

well, there's my two cents

Give sorrow words: the grief that does not speak
Whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break.

-William Shakespeare, Macbeth, Act IV, Sc. III

#191226 - 11/13/07 02:57 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: dgoods]
WalkingSouth Offline

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16270
Loc: Waldport, Oregon
In my experience there was a period of several months back when my sh*t hit the fan where it was next to impossible to check it at the door.

Severe flashbacks, debilitating emotional jags of crying, next to impossible to control anger - especially at authority figures (boss), "waking up" to find myself staring off into space with no way of knowing how long I'd been that way, on and on.

Thankfully that is a thing of the past for me and I had an understanding supervisor. Also I was able to maintain at least a minimum level of functionality on the job or I'd probably have been gone.

For those who haven't been beset by this particular problem, count your blessings.


"Life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting 'Holy Shit! What a ride!'" ~Hunter S. Thompson

#191235 - 11/13/07 03:36 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: WalkingSouth]
MarkK Offline

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2653
Loc: Denver, CO
Thanx for explaining, Jarrad - it's what I was thinking but wanted to be sure I was hearing you and not my own thoughts.


#191253 - 11/13/07 09:13 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: onlyakid]
frost Offline

Registered: 03/15/07
Posts: 1377
Loc: Eh?
jtt, great topic.

I am a graphic artist and programmer. In the past I have held positions in technical support, sales, teaching and a few other graphic artist positions. I know of a few problems that have persisted throughout all of my jobs... I know of a few that are directly linked to CSA. Others, I'm not sure.

First off: undervaluing my work. I often spend additional (unbilled) time attempting to improve things because I constantly think that my work must be as flawed as I am. I also basically despise every website I design when the finished product is delivered. I continually beat myself up over things I should've done better, etc.

Next: depression. I see its mentioned in a reply or two here already and I'll second the statement of how debilitating depression can be. Especially when working in sales. My word how it can affect one's ability to sell.

Dissociation is a big one for me throughout a work day. Many people call this day dreaming... I have been known to take this to a dissociative extent in that I will completely forget everything I was doing and what I am doing in my office, etc. This is probably one of the more difficult ones to cope with.

Finally, I'll talk about the job that I'm in. I really don't care for being a graphic artist and programmer. It's not what I ever planned my career to be. It just happens to be a hobby that I am good enough at to make a living off of it. I aspire to work with people. I would love to be a social worker, counselor, special needs worker, something where I can come home at the end of the day and feel like I helped someone out. I have always been afraid to get into these lines of study to enter this line of work however, due to my existing and ongoing problems with CSA. I am hoping there will be a day where I can finally say I'm 'healed' enough to start taking some courses and make it so graphic artistry and programming are my hobby again, not my job.



#191254 - 11/13/07 10:21 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: frost]

Registered: 08/12/07
Posts: 1298
I lost my job because of many problems connected to my csa. These include, problems talking on the phone, dissociation, paranoia, being short with people verging on aggression, time keeping i missed several days due to being scared of leaving the house, reading the paperwork and then forgetting what i had just read, having problems with authority figures. the list is nearly endless.
This ended with me losing my job and being signed off for the last couple of months with depression, and ive just got an appointment with the primary care mental health nurse for assessment, as my doctor and counsellor both think that im suffering from a severe mental illness. I have been on the medication for depression but this does not seem to be working. my doctor and counsellor have both mentioned it could be bipolar, PTSD, and several other mental health issues. so now i have to wait in limbo for the assesment and referal to a psychiatrist.
Jarrad if i came across as being defensive im sorry, somtimes i read something and i get very touchy and aggressive, then i react, but then i go back and reread it and can respond in a more level way. To those who can leave their problems at the door, i have great respect for and hope that they can keep doing this.
Sorry if my first reply sounded pissy, this was not my intention.

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