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#191255 - 11/13/07 10:43 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: frost]
GateKPR4 Offline

Registered: 10/29/07
Posts: 955
Loc: North Carolina, USA
First off: undervaluing my work. I often spend additional (unbilled) time attempting to improve things because I constantly think that my work must be as flawed as I am. I also basically despise every website I design when the finished product is delivered. I continually beat myself up over things I should've done better, etc.

frost, this is true for me also. After I got hired in the IT position I have now my boss told me I did this. Over the course of a year she said I was quite a good find and that I was a valuable member of her teem. I was much more knowledgeable than she had expected and I was made asst. LAN administrator and eventually hired on full time. She told me one time "you have made quite a name for you here" and I took it as negative. It never occurred to me that people actually liked me.
I was out for 4 days last week after an emotional meltdown but go back today. I feel a little better and know it's going to be OK. Will probably take me all morning to get through the emails ;\) peace, Rick

I'm a normal person dealing with abnormal experiences.
The greatest discoveries we will find within ourselves.
|| || || || || || |

#191258 - 11/13/07 11:14 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: GateKPR4]
sabata Offline

Registered: 08/08/06
Posts: 1950
never lasted vrey long at one job------anger-----thinking everyone is agaist me-my work is inferior-----------i am inferior--------------cant relate to co workers--------------isolation at work-i can go on---------------since my recovery effort-----still at the same job--------------for 5 years----------------------longest in one spot-ever------------been fired -once at this job----------quit 4 times----------but for some reason still there-------------got tired of running------------moving all of the time--------------steve

#191273 - 11/13/07 04:11 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: FormerTexan]
Still Offline

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 7011
Loc: FEMA Region 1
11 jobs in 15 years!!! THAT is how it affects me.

I have an MBA in marketing from a major university and am fairly well trained in solution selling. I've earned six figures some years and a TON less others.

Things I cant seem to do is maintain focus and/or confidence. I'm a super-strong starter, but have no history of being able to maintain any performance of note.

Depression and dissociation quickly take over once a job begins to take-off. Last week I was at a conference of about 400 attendees along with two co-workers. They commented that I would go literally 2-3 hours without speaking a word to anyone.

However, due to my hospitalization this past August, for the first time ever, my employer knows my CSA situation. The secret that never did me any good as a secret, is now out. So, we'll see if that causes a shift in my professional life.

#191288 - 11/13/07 05:49 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: onlyakid]
Darren Offline

Registered: 02/13/07
Posts: 120
Loc: The High Seas
I'm forgetful and because of this I have to have everything meticulously organized at work. If things are out of place it can throw me off completely. I get distracted easily. I also feel like a complete fraud at times, although I know logically I'm good at what I do. I've taken lately to dividing my day up into manageable segments and I think to myself, "My goal is to make it to 10:00 without getting frustrated and flustered" then to lunchtime, then to 2:00, etc.

“Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and were good, God would permit us to be pirates” -Mark Twain

#191295 - 11/13/07 07:45 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: Darren]
cbfull Offline

Registered: 01/26/07
Posts: 386
Loc: Ohio
I too struggle terribly with distraction. It's kind of like I find any excuse to take a break. When I'm working on a project, I keep thinking of something else to mess with, and the feeling of excitement that ensues is enough to peel me away from almost anything work related. Sometimes I can get a good focus going but it's very difficult and it takes me a lot of time and frustration to get there. The result appears to be a lot of guilt and paranoia when my supervisors come around.

I have read that this is very common for abuse survivors.

I remember being very good in school, getting mostly A's or B's on my classwork, until somewhere between 4th and 7th grades. I just didn't want to prepare for class anymore. I cheated my way through all my multiplication tables in the fourth grade, and i remember this was when I first started getting stuck on a single test question. I also had a terrible time with reading comprehension, my eyes were (are) always following the words while my brain is somewhere else. I didn't usually read the assigned books in school, it was far too difficult to focus.


Guilt and shame have never done any of us any good at all.

#191343 - 11/14/07 04:06 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: cbfull]
DanM Offline

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
I have to say, that I fortunate enough to have stayed with the same organization for 26 years. I have since been able to take early retirement. It is only with the last year (post retirement)that I have able to begin the address my CSA. All the years that I was working at my job, I totally immersed myself into my job. I worked 12hour days, 6-7 days a week. My employer loved me, no matter how difficult or bad the jobs was or how much time it would require me to work, I could never say no. I always felt like like I was inferior to everyone else and worked twice as hard and long to compensate for it. The sad part is I was working so much to cover up for my CSA. When i was working i never had time for my mind think of anything else. I was work 24/ personal life, no friends. I am so surprised my wife stayed with me ....but I am thankful she did. It wasn't until after i left my job that I was able to exhale...I was burned out and turning into an emotional wreck. it wasn't until 6 months after i left my job that i was finally able to tell my wife about the abuse...she was the first person i was able to tell after 41 years. From there, I saw a T...and it has been an emotional rollercoaster since. I have to say, there has been lots of good things that are beginning to happen inspite of the emotional pain...I now can talk to my wife openly about issues we have never been able to talk about before. I have gone back to school to complete my degree (this was a casuality of the CSA in the past). I has such low self-esteem I never thought I could finish college...and I when i did take classes, if i wasn't getting perfect grades, I would drop the class. I know that the emotional pain and depression are part of the healing process. I can identify with the others who have written before that sometimes they wonder if it wasn't better leaving everything locked away inside us. I know that this is not true, but sometimes your mind has a way of magnifying the pain and the problems to the point where it can seem everything is insurmountable. I now know, that I could never go back to a job like I had with so much stress and pressure. These are the triggers that made me act so irresponsibly and irrationaly. The anger and tension i had in me is now mostly gone...I still battle with the urge to be unfaithful to my wife in spite of the fact that i am deeply in love with her. I have been sexually sober for the last 4 years and hopefully will remain that way for a long time.

I apologize for the long post and the rambling...I was on a roll...LOL


#191354 - 11/14/07 04:48 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: DanM]
healing_inside Offline

Registered: 03/28/05
Posts: 2007
I suffer with PTSD.

One job assignment I do just flares it up real bad.

I was granted a resonable accomidation under ADA law (American Disabilities ACT) and no longer have to do this particular assignment. Life at work is good.

I have DID aka MP and that helps me a lot at work in that different sides (parts) of me helps maintain stability in various work situations.

I can't come to the phone right now, I am out living my life

*** WoR Retreat Alumni - Alta 2005 ***

#191513 - 11/15/07 06:51 PM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: onlyakid]
jach1 Offline
New Here

Registered: 11/12/07
Posts: 8
Loc: Colorado
I had a history of not liking to be criticized by my boss. I always wanted to be the best at what I did and didn't like being told that I had screwed up. My therapist says that such a reaction is due to the inadequacy feelings brought on by the childhood abuse. In my adult I was able to gain a lot of self-confidence by trying things and usually being successful, but my teenage years were tough. I still lack the sel-confidence that I would like to have, but I keep reminding myself that my sense of self-worth is not due to how I appear to the world, but to how I feel inside.


#191556 - 11/16/07 02:30 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: FormerTexan]
Pete2004 Offline

Registered: 08/06/04
Posts: 958
Loc: North Carolina
Getting back to the thread:

I find that I have a terrible time remembering names of people to which I am being introduced. I could draw a picture of them, but don't ask me what their names were. In my work, I have to meet lots of people in meetings, receptions, etc and the only thing that works well for me are name tags. It is really strange, but it is almost like I don't hear the name. I am so focused on what I am going to say and how I am going to come across, the name just doesn't register.

I also have trouble talking with men about non-work subjects. It is much easier for me to make small talk with women, I guess because I am either not in competition with them or I am not putting up defenses. Who knows! Now I am wondering if I have the same trouble with women's names as I do men...... Something to think about.


There is a destiny that makes us brothers;
No one goes his way alone;
What we send into the lives of others,
comes back into our own. (Edwin Markham)

#191558 - 11/16/07 02:39 AM Re: Effects of CSA on Work Lives?? [Re: Pete2004]
Jarrad Offline

Registered: 10/27/06
Posts: 1071
Loc: arizona
charlie, i have issues with names too. i actually take polaroids of people and write their names on the bottom and hang them by my desk or phone list until i know them.

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