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#190986 - 11/11/07 08:54 PM Coming to a realization
onlyakid Offline

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1577
Loc: New Jersey
I'm probably only writing this so that I can make sure I can remember this in the future, but I was thinking about the abuse and among the reasons that I struggle is the fact that technically under NJ state law it wasn't a crime because I was 13 at the time, had I been 12 it would have been illegal. However, I had only been 13 for about 3 months at that point. I'm thinking that being that I had very few friends and I was in 7th grade at the time (I was left back), I think that I can reasonably say that my maturity and my sexual knowledge level were at least 3 months behind my actual age.

"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"

#190990 - 11/11/07 09:23 PM Re: Coming to a realization [Re: onlyakid]
alexey Offline
Moderator Emeritus
Registered: 08/16/05
Posts: 1677
Loc: Moscow, Russia

Hi. I would tell you to not rely on law when you question whether you are survivor or not. You are. 13 y.o. is not the age person is able to give their consent to a person in a position of power.

The fact that the abuser was not punished is truly a hard thing to live with. However, there are lots of other factors, besides the law, that could have contributed to us being victimized and not getting help.

The men who had raped me were not prosecuted at the time. I just have a hope they got in prison later for probably more abousing children.

Sometimes it feels that the whole world is against us.


When you feel all alone and unhappy, turn to you Inner Child and talk to Him.
You will see He can comfort you like nothing else!

#191090 - 11/12/07 06:04 AM Re: Coming to a realization [Re: alexey]
sophiesdad Offline

Registered: 04/30/05
Posts: 462
Loc: Florida

It is disgusting that our laws are written the way that they are. Who can determine a "magic age" that allows someone to make a consenting decision? Certainly not at 13! I doubt that some 17 or 18 year-olds can be strong enough not to be victimized. When we are so young we do not have the life experience to make some "informed" decisions. Plus, depending on how we were raised, there are those of us who could have been set up to be victimized as adults.

The bottom line is that you didn't deserve what happened to you. Those that did it were older, more powerful and had no business doing what they did. Please forgive that 13-year-old child and understand, as an adult, that our legal justice system is far from perfect.

I firmly believe that we truly reap in life what we sow 10-fold. You may not have seen your abuser punished at the time or even now, but be assured that he WILL pay for his actions somtime, somewhere in life. The best thing that you can do is keep moving forward and getting stronger.


There are no unresolved issues - they just didn't resolve themselves the way we would have liked. "Grinder and Bandler - Neuro-Linguistic Programming"


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