How does one come to terms with SA when you can't remember it. I know I was sexually abused by my grandpa, but I have no memory of it. I could list tons of resons why I know I was abused, including my sister's memory, but I have no actual memory. I am 100% sure all my brothers and sisters were abused with the knowledge I have today. The problem is that I do not remember my SA. I remember things up to a point and then everything just goes black. I hear a voice in my mind everyday that is a child saying papa, that is what we called our grandpa, hurt me. It is not a hullucination or anything like that. It is just a thought that sounds like a child hiding in the back of my mind. I don't know how to comfort him and take away his pain, and I also have no idea what happened to him/me. I wonder how horrible it must have been since my memories are completely blocked. I think of all the things that probably happened to me, but I believe what actually must have happened was so much worse. My grandpa was one sick twisted fuck like they all are. I remember when I was on this site years ago someone telling me of someone who could not remember the first 13 years of their life, and that it is common for one to completely repress memories because they were so horrific. It is just so hard to wrap my mind around being abused when I can't remember, but the child inside always tells me papa hurt me. How can I heal when I can't remember? How do I keep from forgetting that I was abused when there is no concrete memories? Everytime I start down the path to the truth I always get side tracked, and can't just tell myself you remember to keep going. I don't know this whole thing is so hard to wrap my mind around, and probably would be even if I could remember.
"Men often become what they believe themselves to be. If I believe I cannot do something, it makes me incapable of doing it. But when I believe I can, then I acquire the ability to do it even if I didn't have it in the beginning." Mahatma Gandhi